Friday, April 30, 2004
Sardarji jokes
One day, Banta, along with his two friends, one being Polish and the other being an American go to the police station to get jobs as cops. However, they would have to answer only one question. The Polish person goes into the room.
Detective: Who killed Jesus?
Polish: The Catholics.
Detective: Good answer. In an hour or so, we'll tell you if you got the job.
The American goes next.
Detective: Who killed Jesus?
American: The Jews.
Detective: Good answer. In an hour or so, we'll tell you if you got the job.
Banta is next.
Detective: Who killed Jesus?
Banta: You have to give me more time. Can I tell you tomorrow?
Detective: Sure, take as much time as you want.
Banta then goes home and he finds his wife making dinner.
Wife: How did your interview go, sweetheart.
Banta: It went very well. I'm on my very first murder case.
One fine day a girl proposed to a sardar and the sardar denied simply saying that in our family we marry only our relatives my mom married my dad, my brother married my bhabhi, my uncle married my aunt and so on. so please excuse me !!!!!
Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He had to get off on station that came up at 4 am. He asked the guy sitting opposite him on the train to wake him up at 4 am and gave him Rs 20 to do so. This guy was a barber, and felt that for Rs 20 the passenger deserved more service. So, when he fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off is beard!
When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. His wife said, " What's the matter?" He replied, "The cheat on the train has taken Rs 20 from me and has woken up someone else!!!"
There were 4 sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start a business.They had a lot of discussions on the type of business and finally decided to start a hotel. They selected the best of locations and cooks and built the hotel. The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first customer. The sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up. The story was the same the next day. A week passed but noboby turned up.
WHY?
Bcos there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed"
After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto garage. They bought the best of car servicing equipments and soon started the garage. The 4 sardars waited that day for the first car to arrive but no car entered their garage. They waited for one day, 2 days ,a week but no car came to their garage. WHY?
B'cos their garage was on the first floor.
After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi driving. They bought a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began to look for passengers. They drew past Churchgate but nobody hailed their taxi. They went to Nariman point yet nobody hailed their taxi. They drove to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed their taxi. In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but alas no one hailed their taxi.
WHY ?
B'cos all the four sardars were sitting in the taxi.
All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided to push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines. They started pushing their taxi. They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even an inch. They decided to rest for the night and start the next day. The next day the story repeated itself. The taxi just wouldnt move. They pushed for a whole week but the taxi wouldnt budge.
WHY?
B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.
Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. A Surd was also experiencing the same every time he tries to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn."
He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not going for the blood shed still wanted to take revenge.
Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja (Go to sleep, O dear mosquito, go to sleep)" After some time he finds the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."
One day there was a Bihari going in a Fiat Car at 45KMPH on a highway and enjoying his drive.
Suddenly a Sardaji came Booiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn on a Honda and peeped into the car and shouted at the Bihari - "Kabhi honda chalaya kya?" and sped off, The Bihari was surprised but he did not bother. After some time the Surd came Booiiiinnnnnnnnnnn... in the opposite direction, peeped into the car and shouted again "kabhi honda chalaya kya?" and sped off , This time the Bihari was annoyed , since the surd was teasing about his driving.
After some time again the Surd came back speeding and said the same thing peeping into the car. The Bihari was about to say something but the Surd goes off. This time the Bihari increased his speed but suddenly stopped as he found the Surd lying on the road, bleeding.
He got down and mocked at the Surd "Kyon Surd , Kabhi Honda chalaye kya?" The Surd said "Wohi to puch raha tha, Mein Brakes ko dhoond rahatha."
A surd wants to somehow get a doctorate. One of his friend advises him to do research in zoology. So the surd decides to do his research in zoology, that too with a Frog. He first keeps the frog on a table and asks it to jump. It jumps.
Now he cuts one of its legs and keeps it over the table. Again he asks it to jump. Again frog jumps.
Getting boosted by this development, now he cuts another leg and asks the frog to jump. The frog jumps again.
Getting wondered about it, now he cuts the third leg and again asks it to jump. The rog jumps.
Now he could not control the suspense and cuts the fourth leg and ask the frog to jump. It doesn't. Immediately the surd writes in his thesis "If you cut all the four legs of a frog, it will become deaf."
A Surd prime minister visited the president of the neighbouring country and complained about all this jokes about surds that others tell each other. "This leads to the impression that all surds are stupid", he said. "You should not take this so earnestly",answered the neighbouring minister, "These are only jokes and not true stories. And there are also stupid people in our country. I will prove it to you."
Saying so, he went to his driver and said: "Please drive to my home and find out, whether I am at home." The driver immediately went on his way.
The surd prime minister was satisfied: "He is very stupid indeed. There is a public phone just at the corner. It would have been easier to call and check!"
A Sardarji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help.
He goes into the temple and begins to pray..........."Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lottery"
Lottery night comes and somebody else wins it.
The Sardarji goes back to the temple................
"Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well"
"Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!!
Back to the temple..................
"My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving.. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and the Sardarji is confronted by the voice of Lord:
"SARDARJI, BUY THE DAMN TICKET FIRST"
One sardarji was appearing for his University final examination.He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar", he says, "it says here, "Answer the following questions in brief."
Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.
Jasmeet: "What are you searching for?"
Santa: "Hidden cameras!"
Jasmeet: "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?"
Santa: "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying 'You are watching the Star World channel'. How does he know that?"
One day, Banta, along with his two friends, one being Polish and the other being an American go to the police station to get jobs as cops. However, they would have to answer only one question. The Polish person goes into the room.
Detective: Who killed Jesus?
Polish: The Catholics.
Detective: Good answer. In an hour or so, we'll tell you if you got the job.
The American goes next.
Detective: Who killed Jesus?
American: The Jews.
Detective: Good answer. In an hour or so, we'll tell you if you got the job.
Banta is next.
Detective: Who killed Jesus?
Banta: You have to give me more time. Can I tell you tomorrow?
Detective: Sure, take as much time as you want.
Banta then goes home and he finds his wife making dinner.
Wife: How did your interview go, sweetheart.
Banta: It went very well. I'm on my very first murder case.
One fine day a girl proposed to a sardar and the sardar denied simply saying that in our family we marry only our relatives my mom married my dad, my brother married my bhabhi, my uncle married my aunt and so on. so please excuse me !!!!!
Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He had to get off on station that came up at 4 am. He asked the guy sitting opposite him on the train to wake him up at 4 am and gave him Rs 20 to do so. This guy was a barber, and felt that for Rs 20 the passenger deserved more service. So, when he fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off is beard!
When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. His wife said, " What's the matter?" He replied, "The cheat on the train has taken Rs 20 from me and has woken up someone else!!!"
There were 4 sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start a business.They had a lot of discussions on the type of business and finally decided to start a hotel. They selected the best of locations and cooks and built the hotel. The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first customer. The sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up. The story was the same the next day. A week passed but noboby turned up.
WHY?
Bcos there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed"
After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto garage. They bought the best of car servicing equipments and soon started the garage. The 4 sardars waited that day for the first car to arrive but no car entered their garage. They waited for one day, 2 days ,a week but no car came to their garage. WHY?
B'cos their garage was on the first floor.
After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi driving. They bought a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began to look for passengers. They drew past Churchgate but nobody hailed their taxi. They went to Nariman point yet nobody hailed their taxi. They drove to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed their taxi. In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but alas no one hailed their taxi.
WHY ?
B'cos all the four sardars were sitting in the taxi.
All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided to push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines. They started pushing their taxi. They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even an inch. They decided to rest for the night and start the next day. The next day the story repeated itself. The taxi just wouldnt move. They pushed for a whole week but the taxi wouldnt budge.
WHY?
B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.
Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. A Surd was also experiencing the same every time he tries to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn."
He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not going for the blood shed still wanted to take revenge.
Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja (Go to sleep, O dear mosquito, go to sleep)" After some time he finds the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."
One day there was a Bihari going in a Fiat Car at 45KMPH on a highway and enjoying his drive.
Suddenly a Sardaji came Booiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn on a Honda and peeped into the car and shouted at the Bihari - "Kabhi honda chalaya kya?" and sped off, The Bihari was surprised but he did not bother. After some time the Surd came Booiiiinnnnnnnnnnn... in the opposite direction, peeped into the car and shouted again "kabhi honda chalaya kya?" and sped off , This time the Bihari was annoyed , since the surd was teasing about his driving.
After some time again the Surd came back speeding and said the same thing peeping into the car. The Bihari was about to say something but the Surd goes off. This time the Bihari increased his speed but suddenly stopped as he found the Surd lying on the road, bleeding.
He got down and mocked at the Surd "Kyon Surd , Kabhi Honda chalaye kya?" The Surd said "Wohi to puch raha tha, Mein Brakes ko dhoond rahatha."
A surd wants to somehow get a doctorate. One of his friend advises him to do research in zoology. So the surd decides to do his research in zoology, that too with a Frog. He first keeps the frog on a table and asks it to jump. It jumps.
Now he cuts one of its legs and keeps it over the table. Again he asks it to jump. Again frog jumps.
Getting boosted by this development, now he cuts another leg and asks the frog to jump. The frog jumps again.
Getting wondered about it, now he cuts the third leg and again asks it to jump. The rog jumps.
Now he could not control the suspense and cuts the fourth leg and ask the frog to jump. It doesn't. Immediately the surd writes in his thesis "If you cut all the four legs of a frog, it will become deaf."
A Surd prime minister visited the president of the neighbouring country and complained about all this jokes about surds that others tell each other. "This leads to the impression that all surds are stupid", he said. "You should not take this so earnestly",answered the neighbouring minister, "These are only jokes and not true stories. And there are also stupid people in our country. I will prove it to you."
Saying so, he went to his driver and said: "Please drive to my home and find out, whether I am at home." The driver immediately went on his way.
The surd prime minister was satisfied: "He is very stupid indeed. There is a public phone just at the corner. It would have been easier to call and check!"
A Sardarji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help.
He goes into the temple and begins to pray..........."Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lottery"
Lottery night comes and somebody else wins it.
The Sardarji goes back to the temple................
"Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well"
"Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!!
Back to the temple..................
"My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving.. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and the Sardarji is confronted by the voice of Lord:
"SARDARJI, BUY THE DAMN TICKET FIRST"
One sardarji was appearing for his University final examination.He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar", he says, "it says here, "Answer the following questions in brief."
Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.
Jasmeet: "What are you searching for?"
Santa: "Hidden cameras!"
Jasmeet: "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?"
Santa: "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying 'You are watching the Star World channel'. How does he know that?"
Sardarji as a Pilot
Two Sardarjis (pilots) try to land an airplane in the United States.
They start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot screamed "The runway is ending!" The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air.
They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they touch the ground, the pilot scream again "Get the plane up, the runaway is ending!” The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air.
They make a big turn and start descending again. This goes on again and again.
During their fourth descent the pilot says: "Look at those stupid Americans, they build this huge and expensive airport but with such a short runaway". I know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide they made it."
Punjab Airlines
Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen.
This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjab Airways. We apologize for the four day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery.
This is flight one two six flight to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village!
Punjab Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact our safety standards are so high that even the terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination. (I presume that the other 50% were the terrorists themselves!!!) For the ones that don't quiet make it, Punjab Airways staff have all the requisite experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our Stewardesses Bubbly and Goldie will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off ! To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits!
For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buff, we will be flying right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no-smoking in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down!
Life jacket are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the aunties and swimming shorts to the uncles, for emergency jumps!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take off and fasten your belt. For those of you who can't find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant for your suitcase.
Sorry, but I won't be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew's wedding. But please make yourself at home and help yourself to the cockpit.
Thank you for choosing Punjab Airways. HAVE A NICE JOURNEY.
Sardarji jumping from plane
Once, a Hindu, a Sardar and an American were travelling in an aeroplane. Suddenly, something went wrong and the engines stalled. They had no parachutes with them. So all the three of them decided to risk their lives and jump out of their planes. First, the Sardar jumped out. He removed his turban, used it as a parachute and jumped. Using the turban he slowly floated down. Then the Hindu removed his dhoti and jumped out. Again his dhoti acted as a parachute and he also floated down gently. Seeing this, the American removed his shirt and pant and jumped out. Unfortunately, they did not do well as a parachute and he began to fall rapidly from the plane to the ground. He passed by the Hindu who said - " May Bhagwan help you". Then he passed the Sardar. The Sardar looked at the American zooming past him and was puzzled. So he said - "I see! You want a race! Let us see who is faster" Saying so, he let go of his turban.
So this sardarji is walking the other day and comes across a banana peel on the road. Can you guess what he might be thinking?? Saala aaj bhi girna padega!!!
Laloo
Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son.
Laloo: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I want to choose my own bride".
Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...... Yes"
Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani
Laloo : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Ambani : "But my daughter is too young to marry."
Laloo : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Ambani : "Ah, in that case.....Yes"
Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President :"But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."
Laloo : "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case.......Yes."
This is how business is done!!!
Two Sardarjis (pilots) try to land an airplane in the United States.
They start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot screamed "The runway is ending!" The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air.
They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they touch the ground, the pilot scream again "Get the plane up, the runaway is ending!” The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air.
They make a big turn and start descending again. This goes on again and again.
During their fourth descent the pilot says: "Look at those stupid Americans, they build this huge and expensive airport but with such a short runaway". I know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide they made it."
Punjab Airlines
Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen.
This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjab Airways. We apologize for the four day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery.
This is flight one two six flight to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village!
Punjab Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact our safety standards are so high that even the terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination. (I presume that the other 50% were the terrorists themselves!!!) For the ones that don't quiet make it, Punjab Airways staff have all the requisite experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our Stewardesses Bubbly and Goldie will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off ! To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits!
For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buff, we will be flying right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no-smoking in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down!
Life jacket are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the aunties and swimming shorts to the uncles, for emergency jumps!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take off and fasten your belt. For those of you who can't find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant for your suitcase.
Sorry, but I won't be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew's wedding. But please make yourself at home and help yourself to the cockpit.
Thank you for choosing Punjab Airways. HAVE A NICE JOURNEY.
Sardarji jumping from plane
Once, a Hindu, a Sardar and an American were travelling in an aeroplane. Suddenly, something went wrong and the engines stalled. They had no parachutes with them. So all the three of them decided to risk their lives and jump out of their planes. First, the Sardar jumped out. He removed his turban, used it as a parachute and jumped. Using the turban he slowly floated down. Then the Hindu removed his dhoti and jumped out. Again his dhoti acted as a parachute and he also floated down gently. Seeing this, the American removed his shirt and pant and jumped out. Unfortunately, they did not do well as a parachute and he began to fall rapidly from the plane to the ground. He passed by the Hindu who said - " May Bhagwan help you". Then he passed the Sardar. The Sardar looked at the American zooming past him and was puzzled. So he said - "I see! You want a race! Let us see who is faster" Saying so, he let go of his turban.
So this sardarji is walking the other day and comes across a banana peel on the road. Can you guess what he might be thinking?? Saala aaj bhi girna padega!!!
Laloo
Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son.
Laloo: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I want to choose my own bride".
Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...... Yes"
Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani
Laloo : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Ambani : "But my daughter is too young to marry."
Laloo : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Ambani : "Ah, in that case.....Yes"
Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President :"But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."
Laloo : "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case.......Yes."
This is how business is done!!!
Minister Sardarji
Santa Singh was traveling by train without a ticket. When he saw the T.C (Banta singh) coming he thought of an excuse which he had heard from other people, that is, ministers can travel free. So when Banta came and asked Santa for his ticket, he said ‘Oye! asi minister’ (I'm a minister). Banta asked him ‘Oye! tusi kade Minister’ (which minister). Santa couldn’t think of any minister except Mrs. Indira Gandhi, so he said ‘Oy! asi Indira Gandhi’. Immediately Banta caught Santa's feet for blessing and said ‘Oye! asi bauth sunya, Oye! asi bauth padya, aaj dhek leya’(I heard a lot about you, I read a lot about you and my luck, I saw you today).
Santa Singh was traveling by train without a ticket. When he saw the T.C (Banta singh) coming he thought of an excuse which he had heard from other people, that is, ministers can travel free. So when Banta came and asked Santa for his ticket, he said ‘Oye! asi minister’ (I'm a minister). Banta asked him ‘Oye! tusi kade Minister’ (which minister). Santa couldn’t think of any minister except Mrs. Indira Gandhi, so he said ‘Oy! asi Indira Gandhi’. Immediately Banta caught Santa's feet for blessing and said ‘Oye! asi bauth sunya, Oye! asi bauth padya, aaj dhek leya’(I heard a lot about you, I read a lot about you and my luck, I saw you today).
Thursday, April 29, 2004
Check the address before sending emails !
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, So he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally Typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail. Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
Date: 16 May 2002
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, So he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally Typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail. Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
Date: 16 May 2002
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
Sardarji's are *NOT* stupids!
80,000 Sardarji's meet at the Jalianwala Bagh for a "Sardarjis Are Not
Stupid" Convention.
Santha Singh, the emcee says, "We are all here today to prove to the World
that Sardarjis are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
One Sardarji steps up.
Santha Singh asks him, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds, he says, "Eighteen."
Obviously, everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 sardarjis start
cheering, "Give him another chance, give him another chance."
Santha Singh says,"Well, since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000
of you here And the world wide press, I guess we
can give him another chance." So he says, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30seconds, the sardarji eventually says, "Ninety?"
Santha Singh sighs - everyone is crestfallen and the sardarji starts
crying.
80,000 sardarjis start yelling, "Give him another chance, give him another
chance."
SanthaSingh, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage,
eventually says,"Ok! One morechance. What is 2 plus 2?"
The sardarji closes his eyes and after a whole minute eventually says
"Four."
Around the stadium 80,000 sardarjis start yelling "Give him another chance,
give him another chance."
80,000 Sardarji's meet at the Jalianwala Bagh for a "Sardarjis Are Not
Stupid" Convention.
Santha Singh, the emcee says, "We are all here today to prove to the World
that Sardarjis are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
One Sardarji steps up.
Santha Singh asks him, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds, he says, "Eighteen."
Obviously, everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 sardarjis start
cheering, "Give him another chance, give him another chance."
Santha Singh says,"Well, since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000
of you here And the world wide press, I guess we
can give him another chance." So he says, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30seconds, the sardarji eventually says, "Ninety?"
Santha Singh sighs - everyone is crestfallen and the sardarji starts
crying.
80,000 sardarjis start yelling, "Give him another chance, give him another
chance."
SanthaSingh, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage,
eventually says,"Ok! One morechance. What is 2 plus 2?"
The sardarji closes his eyes and after a whole minute eventually says
"Four."
Around the stadium 80,000 sardarjis start yelling "Give him another chance,
give him another chance."
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
STOP Thinking!
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.
I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.
I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"
Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.
I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about.
I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"
"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."
"It is serious," she said, lower lip a quiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to cry. I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with a PBS station on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors... they didn't open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.
As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.
Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.
I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.
I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.
I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"
Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.
I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about.
I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"
"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."
"It is serious," she said, lower lip a quiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to cry. I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with a PBS station on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors... they didn't open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.
As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.
Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.
I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
The way look at
The pessimist says, "this glass is half empty."
The optimist says, "this glass is half full."
The engineer says, "this glass is exactly twice as large as it needs to be."
The pessimist says, "this glass is half empty."
The optimist says, "this glass is half full."
The engineer says, "this glass is exactly twice as large as it needs to be."
Monday, April 26, 2004
Thoughts
The most destructive habit......................Worry
The greatest Joy...............................Giving
The greatest loss................Loss of self-respect
The most satisfying work...............Helping others
The ugliest personality trait.............Selfishness
The most endangered species.........Dedicated leaders
The greatest natural resource for a human.......One's youth
The greatest "shot in the arm"..........Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome.................Fear
The most effective sleeping pill........Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease............Excuses
The most powerful force in life..................Love
The gift of God, in human form................. A true friend
The most dangerous pariah..................A gossiper
The most avoidable human............... one back bites
The world's most incredible computer........The brain
The worst thing to be without................... Hope
The deadliest weapon.......................The tongue
The two most power-filled words..............."I Can"
The greatest asset..............................Faith
The most worthless emotion..................Self-pity
The most beautiful attire......................SMILE!
The most prized possession................Integrity
The most contagious spirit.................Enthusiasm
The most important thing to believe in..................GOD
The most powerful channel of communication.....Prayer
The most destructive habit......................Worry
The greatest Joy...............................Giving
The greatest loss................Loss of self-respect
The most satisfying work...............Helping others
The ugliest personality trait.............Selfishness
The most endangered species.........Dedicated leaders
The greatest natural resource for a human.......One's youth
The greatest "shot in the arm"..........Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome.................Fear
The most effective sleeping pill........Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease............Excuses
The most powerful force in life..................Love
The gift of God, in human form................. A true friend
The most dangerous pariah..................A gossiper
The most avoidable human............... one back bites
The world's most incredible computer........The brain
The worst thing to be without................... Hope
The deadliest weapon.......................The tongue
The two most power-filled words..............."I Can"
The greatest asset..............................Faith
The most worthless emotion..................Self-pity
The most beautiful attire......................SMILE!
The most prized possession................Integrity
The most contagious spirit.................Enthusiasm
The most important thing to believe in..................GOD
The most powerful channel of communication.....Prayer
Rajani Annai and Newton
Recently the father of physics made a visit to earth
to watch a movie. He watched a few Tamil movies
and had his head was spinning. He was convinced that
all his logics and laws in physics were just a
huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had
done.
In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused
to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a
few scenes:
1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according
to the doctors can't be cured and his death is
imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth
bullet passes through his ears taking away the
tumor along with it and he is cured. Long Live
Rajanikanth.
2) In one of the movies, Rajanikanth is confronted
with 3 gangsters.
Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one
bullet. Guess what he does.......???
He holds a knife in his hand and throws
at the middle gangster & shoots the bullet towards
the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces
and kills both the gangsters on each side of the
middle gangster & the knife kill the middle one
3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster.
Rajanikanth
has a revolver but he got no bullets in it. Guess
what he does......Nah not even in your remotest
imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot.
As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajanikanth opens the
bullet compartment of his revolver and catches
the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment
and fires his gun.
Bang... And the gangster dies....
This was too much for our Newton to take and he
was
completely shaken and he
decided to go back. But he happened to see a movie
for one last time and
thought that at least one movie will follow his
theory of physics.
The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that
all in the world hasn't changed. Oops not so fast.
The Climax finally arrives. Rajanikanth gets to
know that the villain is on the other side of a
very High wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump
even if he tries like one of those superman
techniques that our heroes normally use.
Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain
because it's the climax. Newton dada is smiling (since
it is virtually impossible). Rajanikanth suddenly
pulls two guns from his pocket (Probably a backup). He
throws one gun in the air and when the gun has
reached the height of the wall, he shoots at the
trigger of the first gun in air, with his second
gun. Now the first gun fires off and the villain is
dead.
Result : Newton commits suicide
Recently the father of physics made a visit to earth
to watch a movie. He watched a few Tamil movies
and had his head was spinning. He was convinced that
all his logics and laws in physics were just a
huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had
done.
In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused
to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a
few scenes:
1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according
to the doctors can't be cured and his death is
imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth
bullet passes through his ears taking away the
tumor along with it and he is cured. Long Live
Rajanikanth.
2) In one of the movies, Rajanikanth is confronted
with 3 gangsters.
Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one
bullet. Guess what he does.......???
He holds a knife in his hand and throws
at the middle gangster & shoots the bullet towards
the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces
and kills both the gangsters on each side of the
middle gangster & the knife kill the middle one
3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster.
Rajanikanth
has a revolver but he got no bullets in it. Guess
what he does......Nah not even in your remotest
imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot.
As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajanikanth opens the
bullet compartment of his revolver and catches
the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment
and fires his gun.
Bang... And the gangster dies....
This was too much for our Newton to take and he
was
completely shaken and he
decided to go back. But he happened to see a movie
for one last time and
thought that at least one movie will follow his
theory of physics.
The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that
all in the world hasn't changed. Oops not so fast.
The Climax finally arrives. Rajanikanth gets to
know that the villain is on the other side of a
very High wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump
even if he tries like one of those superman
techniques that our heroes normally use.
Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain
because it's the climax. Newton dada is smiling (since
it is virtually impossible). Rajanikanth suddenly
pulls two guns from his pocket (Probably a backup). He
throws one gun in the air and when the gun has
reached the height of the wall, he shoots at the
trigger of the first gun in air, with his second
gun. Now the first gun fires off and the villain is
dead.
Result : Newton commits suicide
BARBAR and a SOFTWARE ENGINEER
There is a good old barber in Miami in US.
One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes
to pay the barber and the barber replies: 'I am sorry, I cannot accept
money
from you; I am doing a Community Service'. Florist is happy and leaves the
shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a
Thank You Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber
he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves
the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a
Thank you Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.
A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the
barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he
finds there. ..... .
a Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free haircut. . .with
printout of mail mentioning about free haircut.
There is a good old barber in Miami in US.
One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes
to pay the barber and the barber replies: 'I am sorry, I cannot accept
money
from you; I am doing a Community Service'. Florist is happy and leaves the
shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a
Thank You Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber
he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves
the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a
Thank you Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.
A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the
barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he
finds there. ..... .
a Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free haircut. . .with
printout of mail mentioning about free haircut.
HOW TO MAKE OFFICE TIME INTERESTING?
If it is very boring for you in the office,
Here are some tips. Try at least few of them :
1. Form a detective agency to find out who is quitting next.
2. Make blank calls to your Boss.
3. Count your fingers (and toes if you get bored).
4. Rearrange the furniture, i.e.. flick someone else chair just to irritate
him/her.
5. Send mails from ms-mail to your internet mail (and immediately get to the
internet and see who reaches first, you or your mail?) and read them
there.. and note down the time they take to reach there.
6. Watch other people changing their facial expressions while working and
try changing your expressions also..
7. Try to stretch status meetings as longer as possible, just by asking
silly doubts.
8. Have work breaks in between tea.
9. Have a two hour lunch, its a big social occasion.
10. Read jokes and send jokes.
11. Revise last weeks newspaper.
12. Hold "How fast my computer boots" competitions.
13. Practice aiming the coffee cup into the dustbin.
14. Compile "How to waste your day"
15. Pick up phone and dial non existing no.s
16. Make faces at strangers in office.
17. Count maximum no of applications your computer can open at a time.
18. For Win NT/95 users....Move things to Recycle bin and restore them..
Then repeat this process.
19. Look at someone & try to imagine how(s) he might have looked when(s) he
was 5 years old.
20. Learn to whistle.
21. Make full use of the comfortable chair and table provided and take a
nap.
If it is very boring for you in the office,
Here are some tips. Try at least few of them :
1. Form a detective agency to find out who is quitting next.
2. Make blank calls to your Boss.
3. Count your fingers (and toes if you get bored).
4. Rearrange the furniture, i.e.. flick someone else chair just to irritate
him/her.
5. Send mails from ms-mail to your internet mail (and immediately get to the
internet and see who reaches first, you or your mail?) and read them
there.. and note down the time they take to reach there.
6. Watch other people changing their facial expressions while working and
try changing your expressions also..
7. Try to stretch status meetings as longer as possible, just by asking
silly doubts.
8. Have work breaks in between tea.
9. Have a two hour lunch, its a big social occasion.
10. Read jokes and send jokes.
11. Revise last weeks newspaper.
12. Hold "How fast my computer boots" competitions.
13. Practice aiming the coffee cup into the dustbin.
14. Compile "How to waste your day"
15. Pick up phone and dial non existing no.s
16. Make faces at strangers in office.
17. Count maximum no of applications your computer can open at a time.
18. For Win NT/95 users....Move things to Recycle bin and restore them..
Then repeat this process.
19. Look at someone & try to imagine how(s) he might have looked when(s) he
was 5 years old.
20. Learn to whistle.
21. Make full use of the comfortable chair and table provided and take a
nap.
COMPUTER (M/F)?
A French teacher was explaining to her class that in French,
unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or
feminine.
"House" is feminine - "la maison."
"Pencil" is masculine - "le crayon."
A student asked, "What gender is a 'computer'?"
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into
two groups
male and female - and asked them to decide for themselves
whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each
group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of
the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other
computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for
possible later review; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your salary on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be
masculine ("le computer") because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the
time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had
waited a little longer, you could have got a better model.
The women won!
SARDAR IN POLICE
> > > >A policeman was interviewing 3 sardars who were
> > training to become
> > > >detectives. To test their skills in recognizing
> > a suspect, he shows the
> > > >first sardar a picture for 5 seconds and then
> > hides it.
> > "This is your suspect, how would you recognize
> > him?"
> > > >
> > > >The first sardar answers, "That's easy, we'll
> > catch him fast because he
> > > >only has one eye!"
> > > >The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because
> > the picture I showed is
> > his side profile." Slightly flustered by this
> > ridiculous response, he flashes
> > the picture for 5 seconds at the second sardar and
> > asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you
> > recognize him?"
> > > >
> > > >The second sardar smiles and says, "Ha! He'd be
> > too easy to catch
> > because he only has one ear!"
> > > > The policeman angrily responds, "What's the
> > matter with you two?? Of
> > course only one eye and one ear are showing
> > because it's a picture of his side
> > profile! Is that the best answer you can come up
> > with?" Extremely frustrated at
> > this
> > > >point,
> > > >he shows the picture to the third sardar and in
> > a very testy voice
> > asks,"This is your suspect, how would you
> > recognize him?"
> > > > He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me
> > a stupid answer."
> > > >The third sardar looks at the picture intently
> > for a moment and says,
> > "The suspect wears contact lenses."
> >
> > > >The policeman is surprised and speechless
> > because he really doesn't
> > know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
> > "Well, that's an interesting
> > answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check
> > his file and I'll get back to you
> > on that."He leaves the room and goes to his
> > office, checks the suspect's file in
> > his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile
> > on his face. "Wow! I
> > can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in
> > fact wear contact lenses. Good work!
> > How were you able to make such an astute
> > observation?"
> >
> > > >"That's easy," the sardar replied. "He can't
> > wear regular glasses
> > because he only has one eye and one ear."
Who is the boss?
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.
The brain said, "I should be boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs, and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Moral of the story: You don't need brains to be a boss - any asshole will do.
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.
The brain said, "I should be boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs, and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Moral of the story: You don't need brains to be a boss - any asshole will do.
SILICON VALLEY VS COOLIE VALLEY
An interesting comparison of IT capital of US with that of India
Politicians, bureaucrats and residents of Bangalore take pride in the
fact that they live in what they call the Silicon Valley of the East.
The city is considered high tech because of the number of software
and software services companies located here.
But is Bangalore really Silicon Valley?
California's Silicon Valley
In 1933 Frederick Terman, a professor of engineering at Stanford
University, mentored two undergraduates named Bill Hewlett and Dave
Packard, and was instrumental in getting them to start a company.
They went on to form the company Hewlett-Packard. This was the first
seed from which Silicon Valley grew.
Today around 2,000 electronics and information technology companies,
along with numerous services and supplier firms, are clustered in the
area.
Silicon Valley contains the densest concentration of innovative
industry that exists anywhere in the world, including companies that
are leaders in fields like computers, semiconductors, lasers, fiber
optics, robotics, medical instrumentation, and consumer electronics.
Some products that went from dream to reality in Silicon Valley are
the first video game, the ink-jet printer, the video recorder, the
mouse, the personal computer, and much else that we take for granted
in the information age.
Here's a sample of some Silicon Valley firms, familiar to most of us
because of their products: Adobe Systems (Acrobat Reader), Apple
Computer (computer), Hewlett-Packard (printer), Intel (the CPU in
your PC), Netscape (Internet browser), Seagate Technology (the hard
disk in your PC), Yahoo (Internet portal), VeriFone (credit card
terminals in shops), Symantec (Norton anti-virus software), etc.
Such firms are called technology companies, because their chief
resource is the technologies that they develop and own, not the real
estate that they are sitting on or the equipment that they possess.
Stocks in a technology company are called 'tech stocks.' Scientists
and engineers working in these companies are called 'techies.'
Indicative of the inventive spirit is the fact that residents of
Santa Clara County, which includes San Jose and other Silicon Valley
computer hotbeds, were granted 27,617 patents during the 1990s.
Silicon Valley thrives on risk. Business in the Valley is about
placing bets on people, ideas and inventions.
If the Silicon Valley were an independent country, its economy would
be about the tenth largest in the world.
Bangalore or 'Coolie Valley'
If you ask the president of any of Bangalore's software development
companies what his company does, he'll say "We provide end-to-end
solutions for Xxxx." Xxxx could be any or all of these -- e-commerce,
banking, telecom. . .
What he means to say is this: 'We'll do the software coding in any of
these areas for you. Just tell us what you need. We have a huge mass
of engineers who know various programming languages.'
These companies do not develop any technologies or products. They
provide development services. They have engineers who specialize in
programming languages rather than in technologies.
Their chief resource is the huge mass of low-cost labour that they
have taken the trouble to recruit.
Ask them about patents, and you get the reply "Huh, what's that?"
These companies start with zero risk. They do not bet on their ideas
or inventions. A company is started after getting some contracts in
hand.
A typical engineer in these companies has no specialization in any
technology. He does not use his engineering knowledge. You could say
his body is employed, but his brain is severely under-employed.
Here is a sample of some prominent Bangalore software companies with
what they specialize in: Tata Consultancy Services (end-to-end
solutions), Wipro (end-to-end solutions), Infosys (end-to-end
solutions)
DSQ Software (end-to-end solutions), Kshema Technologies (end-to-end
solutions), Ivega Technologies (end-to-end solutions), MindTree
Consulting (end-to-end solutions).
The comparison
Silicon Valley companies are based on 'know what.' They know the
market, they know the technology and they know what products to make
to earn money.
Coolie valley companies are based on 'know how.' They do the software
coding for other companies that have the 'know what.' If you tell
them what to do, they know how and will do it for you.
Silicon Valley companies invest huge sums of money on R&D. They
generate new ideas and are constantly developing new ways of doing
things.
Coolie Valley companies have nothing called R&D. They do not generate
any new ideas.
A typical Silicon Valley engineer is a specialist in a particular
technology, like inkjet printing or virus detection. He spends all
his life working in this technology area.
A typical Coolie Valley engineer is a specialist in a few languages.
He is not concerned about the technology that he is working on and is
willing to develop any software with the languages that he knows.
A typical Silicon Valley engineer's education and work experience all
relate to a technology. When he changes jobs, he changes to another
company working on the same technology.
A typical Coolie Valley engineer's work experience does not teach him
any technology. He may be a mechanical engineer currently working for
three months on banking software, and then the next three months on
shoe retailing software.
Silicon Valley is all about the excitement of creating things out of
nothing. Companies like HP actually started in the garages of their
founders.
Coolie Valley does not know the meaning of creativity. Some companies
are started by people who quit other companies and take some of the
parent firm's software development contracts with them.
Silicon Valley's entrepreneurs bet on people, ideas and inventions.
Coolie Valley's entrepreneurs bet on certainties. They start a firm
after getting software development contracts.
Silicon Valley's firms are about technology management.
Coolie valley's firms are about man management.
It is extremely presumptuous to compare Bangalore with Silicon
Valley, so all you Bangaloreans, please do me a favour and
Don't call your city Silicon Valley ('pub city' or 'garden city', I
have no problem with -- lots of pubs and lots of trees, but very
little silicon).
Don't call one of your new software companies a 'high technology
start-up.'
Don't call your engineers 'techies.' They've forgotten their
engineering long ago.
Don't say you've invested in 'tech stocks' ('body stocks' maybe ?).
An interesting comparison of IT capital of US with that of India
Politicians, bureaucrats and residents of Bangalore take pride in the
fact that they live in what they call the Silicon Valley of the East.
The city is considered high tech because of the number of software
and software services companies located here.
But is Bangalore really Silicon Valley?
California's Silicon Valley
In 1933 Frederick Terman, a professor of engineering at Stanford
University, mentored two undergraduates named Bill Hewlett and Dave
Packard, and was instrumental in getting them to start a company.
They went on to form the company Hewlett-Packard. This was the first
seed from which Silicon Valley grew.
Today around 2,000 electronics and information technology companies,
along with numerous services and supplier firms, are clustered in the
area.
Silicon Valley contains the densest concentration of innovative
industry that exists anywhere in the world, including companies that
are leaders in fields like computers, semiconductors, lasers, fiber
optics, robotics, medical instrumentation, and consumer electronics.
Some products that went from dream to reality in Silicon Valley are
the first video game, the ink-jet printer, the video recorder, the
mouse, the personal computer, and much else that we take for granted
in the information age.
Here's a sample of some Silicon Valley firms, familiar to most of us
because of their products: Adobe Systems (Acrobat Reader), Apple
Computer (computer), Hewlett-Packard (printer), Intel (the CPU in
your PC), Netscape (Internet browser), Seagate Technology (the hard
disk in your PC), Yahoo (Internet portal), VeriFone (credit card
terminals in shops), Symantec (Norton anti-virus software), etc.
Such firms are called technology companies, because their chief
resource is the technologies that they develop and own, not the real
estate that they are sitting on or the equipment that they possess.
Stocks in a technology company are called 'tech stocks.' Scientists
and engineers working in these companies are called 'techies.'
Indicative of the inventive spirit is the fact that residents of
Santa Clara County, which includes San Jose and other Silicon Valley
computer hotbeds, were granted 27,617 patents during the 1990s.
Silicon Valley thrives on risk. Business in the Valley is about
placing bets on people, ideas and inventions.
If the Silicon Valley were an independent country, its economy would
be about the tenth largest in the world.
Bangalore or 'Coolie Valley'
If you ask the president of any of Bangalore's software development
companies what his company does, he'll say "We provide end-to-end
solutions for Xxxx." Xxxx could be any or all of these -- e-commerce,
banking, telecom. . .
What he means to say is this: 'We'll do the software coding in any of
these areas for you. Just tell us what you need. We have a huge mass
of engineers who know various programming languages.'
These companies do not develop any technologies or products. They
provide development services. They have engineers who specialize in
programming languages rather than in technologies.
Their chief resource is the huge mass of low-cost labour that they
have taken the trouble to recruit.
Ask them about patents, and you get the reply "Huh, what's that?"
These companies start with zero risk. They do not bet on their ideas
or inventions. A company is started after getting some contracts in
hand.
A typical engineer in these companies has no specialization in any
technology. He does not use his engineering knowledge. You could say
his body is employed, but his brain is severely under-employed.
Here is a sample of some prominent Bangalore software companies with
what they specialize in: Tata Consultancy Services (end-to-end
solutions), Wipro (end-to-end solutions), Infosys (end-to-end
solutions)
DSQ Software (end-to-end solutions), Kshema Technologies (end-to-end
solutions), Ivega Technologies (end-to-end solutions), MindTree
Consulting (end-to-end solutions).
The comparison
Silicon Valley companies are based on 'know what.' They know the
market, they know the technology and they know what products to make
to earn money.
Coolie valley companies are based on 'know how.' They do the software
coding for other companies that have the 'know what.' If you tell
them what to do, they know how and will do it for you.
Silicon Valley companies invest huge sums of money on R&D. They
generate new ideas and are constantly developing new ways of doing
things.
Coolie Valley companies have nothing called R&D. They do not generate
any new ideas.
A typical Silicon Valley engineer is a specialist in a particular
technology, like inkjet printing or virus detection. He spends all
his life working in this technology area.
A typical Coolie Valley engineer is a specialist in a few languages.
He is not concerned about the technology that he is working on and is
willing to develop any software with the languages that he knows.
A typical Silicon Valley engineer's education and work experience all
relate to a technology. When he changes jobs, he changes to another
company working on the same technology.
A typical Coolie Valley engineer's work experience does not teach him
any technology. He may be a mechanical engineer currently working for
three months on banking software, and then the next three months on
shoe retailing software.
Silicon Valley is all about the excitement of creating things out of
nothing. Companies like HP actually started in the garages of their
founders.
Coolie Valley does not know the meaning of creativity. Some companies
are started by people who quit other companies and take some of the
parent firm's software development contracts with them.
Silicon Valley's entrepreneurs bet on people, ideas and inventions.
Coolie Valley's entrepreneurs bet on certainties. They start a firm
after getting software development contracts.
Silicon Valley's firms are about technology management.
Coolie valley's firms are about man management.
It is extremely presumptuous to compare Bangalore with Silicon
Valley, so all you Bangaloreans, please do me a favour and
Don't call your city Silicon Valley ('pub city' or 'garden city', I
have no problem with -- lots of pubs and lots of trees, but very
little silicon).
Don't call one of your new software companies a 'high technology
start-up.'
Don't call your engineers 'techies.' They've forgotten their
engineering long ago.
Don't say you've invested in 'tech stocks' ('body stocks' maybe ?).
Hunter Sardar
Sardar Dhakkan Singh was a big hunter.
Once he went to a zoo.
At that time a tiger escaped from its cage. The zoo officials sent
everyone out of the zoo and closed the main gate. Now the tiger was inside
the zoo but wandering freely. Zoo people requested Sardar to go inside and
trap the tiger in a cage. Scared but to avoid insult he went into the zoo
in his jeep carrying a big gun.
While driving on one of the zoo's roads, he noticed that the tiger is
chasing him. Feeling scared he drove the jeep fast but only to observe that
the tiger is very near to the jeep. At that time the road devided into two
paths ahead, one to the left and other to the right. Then cleverly, Dhakkan
put the left indicator on and turned the jeep to the road on right. The
tiger runs into the left path. With a sigh of relief, he drove forward.
After some time the roads meet and the same situation arises again. Once
more the road divides into two and this time our Sardar is smart enough to
put the right indicator on and turned to left. This time the tiger goes
into the road on right side.
After some time the roads meet again to our sardar's misfortune and the
tiger starts to chase him again. This time the road never divides and our
Sardar thought the tiger would catch him. Then a brilliant idea struck his
mind. He slows down his jeep taking it to the left corner of the road.
Then he held his hand outside and gives a signal, which is given to the
vehicles who want to overtake.
The tiger this time overtakes his jeep and runs forward.
WHAT IS THE MORAL OF THE STORY???
" there are Sardars among Tigers too". They are called SHER SINGH ;)
Sardar Dhakkan Singh was a big hunter.
Once he went to a zoo.
At that time a tiger escaped from its cage. The zoo officials sent
everyone out of the zoo and closed the main gate. Now the tiger was inside
the zoo but wandering freely. Zoo people requested Sardar to go inside and
trap the tiger in a cage. Scared but to avoid insult he went into the zoo
in his jeep carrying a big gun.
While driving on one of the zoo's roads, he noticed that the tiger is
chasing him. Feeling scared he drove the jeep fast but only to observe that
the tiger is very near to the jeep. At that time the road devided into two
paths ahead, one to the left and other to the right. Then cleverly, Dhakkan
put the left indicator on and turned the jeep to the road on right. The
tiger runs into the left path. With a sigh of relief, he drove forward.
After some time the roads meet and the same situation arises again. Once
more the road divides into two and this time our Sardar is smart enough to
put the right indicator on and turned to left. This time the tiger goes
into the road on right side.
After some time the roads meet again to our sardar's misfortune and the
tiger starts to chase him again. This time the road never divides and our
Sardar thought the tiger would catch him. Then a brilliant idea struck his
mind. He slows down his jeep taking it to the left corner of the road.
Then he held his hand outside and gives a signal, which is given to the
vehicles who want to overtake.
The tiger this time overtakes his jeep and runs forward.
WHAT IS THE MORAL OF THE STORY???
" there are Sardars among Tigers too". They are called SHER SINGH ;)
Sample Codes
#include
#include
#define MAAL beautiful_lady
main()
{
goto college;
scanf("100%",&ladies);
if(lady == MAAL)
line++;
while( !reply )
{
printf("I Love U");
scanf("100%",&reply);
}
if(reply == "GAALI")
main(); /* go back and repeat the process */
else if(reply == "SANDAL ")
exit(1);
else if(reply == "I Love U")
{
lover = MAAL;
love = (heart*)malloc(sizeof(lover));
}
goto restaurant;
restaurant:
{
food++;
smile++;
pay->money = lover->money;
return(college);
}
if(time==2.30)
goto cinema;
cinema:
{
watch++;
touch++ ;
if(intermission)
{
coke++;
smoke++;
}
}
if(time ==6.00)
goto park;
park:
{
for(time=6.30;time<=8.30;time+=0.001)
kiss = kiss+1;
}
free(lover);
return(home);
if(time ==9.30)
goto pub;
pub:
{
friends++;
party++;
booze++;
smoke++;
if(pub.close())
{
pay->bill;
come->out;
}
}
if (highly->intoxicated)
goto friendsroom;
else
{
sweetpan++;
polo++;
goto home;
}
friendsroom:
{
goto sleep;
}
home:
{
if(mom.shouts())
{
reason=(combinedstudy || projectwork || friendsbday);
say->reason;
}
if(dad.shouts())
shut->yourmouth;
call->lover;
if(phone->voice==(lover_dad->voice || lover_mom->voice))
{
hang++;
}
else if(phone->voice==lover->voice)
{
for(time=12:30;time<=1.30;time+=0.001)
{
say->ILuvU;
scanf("100%",&reply); /* "I Love U" already stored in reply */
}
}
goto sleep;
}
sleep:
{
*(dream)=love;
}
}
#include
#include
#define MAAL beautiful_lady
main()
{
goto college;
scanf("100%",&ladies);
if(lady == MAAL)
line++;
while( !reply )
{
printf("I Love U");
scanf("100%",&reply);
}
if(reply == "GAALI")
main(); /* go back and repeat the process */
else if(reply == "SANDAL ")
exit(1);
else if(reply == "I Love U")
{
lover = MAAL;
love = (heart*)malloc(sizeof(lover));
}
goto restaurant;
restaurant:
{
food++;
smile++;
pay->money = lover->money;
return(college);
}
if(time==2.30)
goto cinema;
cinema:
{
watch++;
touch++ ;
if(intermission)
{
coke++;
smoke++;
}
}
if(time ==6.00)
goto park;
park:
{
for(time=6.30;time<=8.30;time+=0.001)
kiss = kiss+1;
}
free(lover);
return(home);
if(time ==9.30)
goto pub;
pub:
{
friends++;
party++;
booze++;
smoke++;
if(pub.close())
{
pay->bill;
come->out;
}
}
if (highly->intoxicated)
goto friendsroom;
else
{
sweetpan++;
polo++;
goto home;
}
friendsroom:
{
goto sleep;
}
home:
{
if(mom.shouts())
{
reason=(combinedstudy || projectwork || friendsbday);
say->reason;
}
if(dad.shouts())
shut->yourmouth;
call->lover;
if(phone->voice==(lover_dad->voice || lover_mom->voice))
{
hang++;
}
else if(phone->voice==lover->voice)
{
for(time=12:30;time<=1.30;time+=0.001)
{
say->ILuvU;
scanf("100%",&reply); /* "I Love U" already stored in reply */
}
}
goto sleep;
}
sleep:
{
*(dream)=love;
}
}
SIDHUISM
A collection of famous quotes by Navjot Singh commentary -
1. That ball went so high it could have got an airhostess down with
it.
2. There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of
an incoming train which will run them over.
3. Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.
4. This quote was made after Ganguly called Dravid for a run and
midway sent him back and Dravid was run out in the third test against the
West Indies at Barbados.
"Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope."
5. Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taximeter.
6. Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.
7. Wickets are like girls - you never know which way they will turn!
8. He is like Indian three-wheeler, which will suck a lot of diesel but
cannot go beyond 30!
9. The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend,
that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world, which does not have
wings!
10. As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.
11. The ball whizzes past like a bumble bee and the Indians are in the
sea.
12. The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin in a haystack.
13. The pitch is as dead as a dodo.
14. Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a topless bar!
15. The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at
Rajendra Talkies in Patiala. One falls and everything else falls!
16. Indian team without Sachin is like giving a Kiss without a
Squeeze.
17. You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs.
18. Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a goalkeeper. He must
be given a free transfer to Manchester United.
19. He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first two bites too.
20. One, who doesn't throw the dice, can never expect to score a six.
21. This quote was made after Eddie Nichols, the third umpire, ruled
Shivnarine Chanderpaul 'NOT OUT' in the second test at Port of Spain,
T&T.
"Eddie Nichols is a man who cannot find his own buttocks with his two
hands."
22. Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.
23. Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two.
24. You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your
pants.
25. The cat with gloves catches no mice.
26. Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth.
27. He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking competition.
28. The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for
the same reason.
A collection of famous quotes by Navjot Singh commentary -
1. That ball went so high it could have got an airhostess down with
it.
2. There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of
an incoming train which will run them over.
3. Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.
4. This quote was made after Ganguly called Dravid for a run and
midway sent him back and Dravid was run out in the third test against the
West Indies at Barbados.
"Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope."
5. Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taximeter.
6. Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.
7. Wickets are like girls - you never know which way they will turn!
8. He is like Indian three-wheeler, which will suck a lot of diesel but
cannot go beyond 30!
9. The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend,
that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world, which does not have
wings!
10. As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.
11. The ball whizzes past like a bumble bee and the Indians are in the
sea.
12. The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin in a haystack.
13. The pitch is as dead as a dodo.
14. Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a topless bar!
15. The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at
Rajendra Talkies in Patiala. One falls and everything else falls!
16. Indian team without Sachin is like giving a Kiss without a
Squeeze.
17. You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs.
18. Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a goalkeeper. He must
be given a free transfer to Manchester United.
19. He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first two bites too.
20. One, who doesn't throw the dice, can never expect to score a six.
21. This quote was made after Eddie Nichols, the third umpire, ruled
Shivnarine Chanderpaul 'NOT OUT' in the second test at Port of Spain,
T&T.
"Eddie Nichols is a man who cannot find his own buttocks with his two
hands."
22. Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.
23. Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two.
24. You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your
pants.
25. The cat with gloves catches no mice.
26. Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth.
27. He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking competition.
28. The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for
the same reason.
Friday, April 23, 2004
Why Russians are master of Chess?
After months of negotiation with the authorities,
a Talmudist from Odessa was granted permission to visit Moscow.
He boarded the train and found an empty seat.
At the next stop a young man got on and sat next to him. The scholar
looked at the young man and thought: This fellow doesn't look like a peasant, and
if he isn't a peasant he probably comes from this district. If he comes
from this district, then he must be Jewish because this is, after all, a Jewish
district.
On the other hand, if he is a Jew, where could he be going? I'm the only
Jew in our district who has permission to travel to Moscow.
Ahh? But just outside Moscow there is a little village called Samvet, and
Jews don't need special permission to go there. But why would he be going
to Samvet?
He's probably going to visit one of the Jewish families there, but how
many Jewish families are there in Samvet? Only two - the Bernsteins and the
Steinbergs. The Bernsteins are a terrible family, and a nice looking
fellow like him must be visiting the Steinbergs. But why is he going? The
Steinbergs have only daughters, so maybe he's their son-in-law.
But if he is, then which daughter did he marry? They say that Sarah
married a nice lawyer from Budapest, and Esther married a businessman from
Zhitomer, so it must be Sarah's husband. Which means that his name is Alexander
Cohen, if I'm not mistaken. But if he comes from Budapest, with all the
anti-Semitism they have there, he must have changed his name.
What's the Hungarian equivalent of Cohen? Kovacs. But if they allowed him
to change his name, he must have some special status. What could it be? A
doctorate from the University.
At this point the scholar turns to the young man and says, "How do you do,
Dr. Kovacs?"
"Very well, thank you, sir." answered the startled passenger. But how is
it that you know my name?"
"Oh," replied the Talmudist, "it was obvious."
Be careful before you say a lie :
At Duke University there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They were doing so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, that each had an A so far for the semester. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to the University of Virginia and party with some friends there, figuring
they'd have half of Sunday to study. They had a great time, but after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final totally unprepared, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him
why they missed it.
They explained that they had gone to UVA for the weekend with the plan to come back in time to study, but unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time.
As a result, they missed the final.
The professor thought it over and agreed that they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and
relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them.
He placed them in four separate rooms, handed each of them a test book and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem, worth 5% of the grade. It was something reasonably straightforward about free radical
formation. All at the same time, each one in his separate room thought, "This is going to be easy."
Each finished the lengthy problem and then turned the page. On the next page was the only other exam question, worth 95%:
"Which tire?"
Little Jonnie
Third grade teacher always took roll call each morning
and had the pupils answer by reciting a short poem.
The first kid sat in the first row was a
teacher's pet. He stood and said,
"My name is Dan, and
when I become a man,
I would like to go to Japan if I can,
and I think I can."
The next kid was a little girl who sat in the
middle of the room. She stood up and answered the roll
call by stating,
"My name is Suzy,
and when I become a lady I would like
to have a baby...if I can,
and I think I can."
The next on the list was Little Johnny,
sitting in the back of the room. He stood up and said,
"My name is Johnny,
and I don't give a damm
about Japan,
but I would like to help Suzy in her plan
if I can
and I think I can!"
Compiler Definition
This definition of "compiler" must rank as the BEST of the possible
wrong answers. Written by a student in an introductory Computer Science
course.
"A compiler's primary function is to compile, organize the compilation,
and go right back to compiling. It compiles basically only those things
that require to be compiled, ignoring things that should not be
compiled. The main way a compiler compiles, is to compile the things to
be compiled until the compilation is complete."
Engineers Vs Doctors
> Who is brilliant an engineer or a doctor? Readn and find out yourself:
>
> 7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai. So they both
> gather at Pune Station. Both
> groups are desperately trying to prove their Superiority.
>
> SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI) :
>
> 7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets..
> Doctors are desperately waiting
> for TC to come...... When TC arrives, All 7 Engineers get in one
> toilet SO when TC knocks , one
> hand come out with the ticket and the TC goes away....Doctors say
>"Dekh lenge"
>
> NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct train to PUNE.
> So they all decide to take a
> Passenger till Lonavala, from there they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE
>
> SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA) :
>
> Doctors decided, "this time we will prove th at we too are equally
> SHAANE"....All 7 Doctors take 1
> Ticket Engineers don't buy any ticket at all!!!!!..TC arrives....ALL
> DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET. ALL
> ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE ONE..One engineer gets out and knocks the
> door of Doctors toilet, One hand
> comes with the tickets, he takes the ticket and comes in engg
> Bathroom... TC DRIVES out
>
> ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily fined........
> tai tai fissssssss..
>
> SCENE 3 (LONAVALA - PUNE):
>
> SO now both the group on LONAVALA station. Doctors planning their
> move for last chance.. they
> board the local to Pune. This time doctors decide that they will play
> the same (1 ticket) trick. ALL
> Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7 tickets this time... SO
> TC Comes..
>
> All Engineers show their tickets.....Doctors are still searching for
> toilet in the LOCAL
Sardarji
Sardar comes back 2 his car & find a note saying "Parking Fine" He Write a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d complement"
Santa : After my Death U marry Banta singh
Wife : But Why ? He is Ur No.1 Enemy
Santa : Darling this is the only way I can take revench with Banta
How do you recognize a Sardar in School, he is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.
What is a advantage and disadvantage of Ravan. Advantage : He can sing in chorus. Disadvantage : He cannot wear a T-Shirt.
Santa is writing a letter to his son. It goes like this, "Son, I know you can't read fast, so am writing this letter very slow."
Father : Son, where is your report card.
Son: My friend Akhil borrowed it to scare his father.
Why did Ravan not go to Disco ? Because they told him Rs.1000 per head .
Dad : What type of a Girl u want to marry ?
Son : I want to marry a girl who is *Intelligent *Well-Studied *Obeys Parents *Good-Looking
Dad :Then u have to marry 4 times.
Fellow 1 : My grandfather, he knew the exact day of the year that he was going to die. It was the right year too. Not only that, but he knew what time he would die that day, and he was right about that too. Fellow 2 : Wow, that's Incredible. How did he know all of that?" Fellow 1 : "A Judge told him."
Dialog between computer hardware engineer & manager, Engg. : Sir, you cannot use this printer right now because I don't have driver for it. Manager : Oh my driver is ideal sitting in car. you can use him.
Man1 : Why is prime minister not seen in morning.
Man2 : Because he is pm not am
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."
A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?" to this the man replies,"oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai, "wash basin".
Robert and Ajeet are in a boat. The boat suddenly springs a hole and water starts coming inside. Robert is perplexed ! Robert: Boss ab kya hoga ?? Ajeet: aur ek hole me IN aur doosre me out likh do . Ek hole se paani ander aayega aur doosre se bahar chale jayega !!
Once a Sardhar was waking he had a gloves on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the weather forcast announced that on one hand there would be cold and on the other hand there would be hot.
Once a boy asked his father can he sign with closing his eyes his father said I think so I can so the boy said please your eyes and sign my report card.
I look at the moon, the moon is beautiful... I look at you.. I.. I'd rather look at the moon again..
One day a Sardar byes 2 tickets in bus. So conductor asks why are buying 2 tickets? Then Sardar tell "What can I do if 1st ticket will lost"? Then conductor ask him "What would you do if both tickets will lost?" Then Sardar answered him I have "Buss Pass" with me.
Osama song! (Inspired from Gadar) Main nikla, Jahaaz (plane) leke O raste mein Newyork mein ik mod aaya main Trade Tower tod aaya ... Rab jane kab guzra Newyork O Rab jaane kab Pentagon aaya main utthe Jahaaz phod aaya.
Once a lazy man entered party hall and started to eat. A man beside him asked him to wash his hands before he spoil all the food. The lazy man answered lazily why to wash hands twice ?
My uncle in Detroit tried to make a new kind of car. He took the engine from a Ford, the transmission from an Oldsmobile, the tires from a Cadillac, and the exhaust system from a Plymouth.
One Sardar go to Kaun Banega Crorepati. Amitabh said first introductory question. 'what is your father name?' Sardar misunderstanding and said 'Amitabhji please give me a four option'.
Chintu match dekte samay, Raju aya, wo bola kya dekha raha rai. chintu bola match to raju bola abhi kaya hoga, chintu bola abhi four marega, abhi, abhi one run nikalega, abhi, abhi, our ek four abhi kya hoga chintu. Abhi wide ball hoga. abhi, abhi out hoga. chintu tuze kese malum? are yaar ye highlight ye!!!!@@@
An American and a Sardar were walking down the street when the American exclaimed-- look a dead bird. The Sardar looks towards the sky and says -- where, where ???
Life is one joke .love is more dangerous joke than thi s...hello means.... h...have u miss me e...everything is airight l....like to see you l....like to talk to you o....obviously i miss u so always wanna sayas"hello"
Algebra: A weapon of math destruction.
Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering
Thief : quickly hand over your purse I have a gun
Lady : here take it
Thief : ha! ha! no bullets in my gun.
Lady : ha! ha! no money in my purse
The young lady said to Grandpa, "I noticed that when you sneeze, you've learned to put your hand in front of your mouth.""Of course," explained Grandpa. "How else can I catch my teeth???"
A lady gave an advertisement in the classifieds : "Husband Wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing : "You can have mine."
Santo : Banto, You are looking different today.
Banto : Yes, Doctor has asked me to loose some weight.
Santo : So have you lost.
Banto : Yes, I have stop putting my make up.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
Baker (to a lady customer) : Madam, shall I cut the cake into 6 or 12 pieces.
Lady : No, cut it into 4 pieces only. I am on dieting.
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
"We should always call Daddy, Dad and Mummy, Mom" teacher said.
"Then I will call you Mad, the shot form for Madam." student said.
Man : "Where do you want to go for our Anniversary ?"
Wife : "Somewhere I have never been !"
Man : "How about the kitchen ?"
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, "A billionaire."
God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested
The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?""Why" she asked "Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."
Teacher : Where does God live.
Sunny : Teacher God lives in my bathroom.
Teacher : How can you say that.
Sunny : Because every morning when I am in the bathroom, my mother bangs the door and says "Oh god you are still in there".
Teacher : Rahul tell me two nouns.
Rahul : Who ? Me ?
Teacher : Very Good. Sit down.
A Sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and says "
Hello, how did you know I was here?"
Rakesh : What would happen to fishes if sea catches fire.
Rohit : They will climb tree
Rakesh : Have u gone mad, they are not cows and buffaloes which will climb trees.
Mother : John, how did you given your exam ?
John : I left one question only.
Mother : Why ?
John : I thought and thought, but couldn't write the Ppast Tense of 'Think'.
Two's company, three's a crowd but what is four and five? Nine.
What r the 3 fastest ways of communication?
a) Telephone
b) Television
c) Tell-a woman
Heartbreaks will last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them.
In a class room when teacher is teaching a lesson, one sarharji was in a good sleep making a sound. When madam asked who is that making sounds.. Sardarji shouted "I am the one".....
Boss: I told u to tear the newspaper into small pieces..
Servant: Yes boss.. (after tearing the newspaper into small pieces boss said to the servant)
Boss: Join them n make it as it was. I'll come home in the evening to read it............
Sardarji and suicide? Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. somebody stops him and asks -kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?- Sardarji replies -saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun.
living in 2004
You know you're living in 2004 when...
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail your mate who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not
have e-mail addresses.
6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone
in a business manner.
7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "0" or "9"
to get an outside line.
8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three
different companies.
10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.
11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
12. Contractors out number permanent staff and are more likely to get
long-service awards.
AND THE REAL CLINCHERS ARE...
13. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.
14. And now you are laughing at yourself!
After months of negotiation with the authorities,
a Talmudist from Odessa was granted permission to visit Moscow.
He boarded the train and found an empty seat.
At the next stop a young man got on and sat next to him. The scholar
looked at the young man and thought: This fellow doesn't look like a peasant, and
if he isn't a peasant he probably comes from this district. If he comes
from this district, then he must be Jewish because this is, after all, a Jewish
district.
On the other hand, if he is a Jew, where could he be going? I'm the only
Jew in our district who has permission to travel to Moscow.
Ahh? But just outside Moscow there is a little village called Samvet, and
Jews don't need special permission to go there. But why would he be going
to Samvet?
He's probably going to visit one of the Jewish families there, but how
many Jewish families are there in Samvet? Only two - the Bernsteins and the
Steinbergs. The Bernsteins are a terrible family, and a nice looking
fellow like him must be visiting the Steinbergs. But why is he going? The
Steinbergs have only daughters, so maybe he's their son-in-law.
But if he is, then which daughter did he marry? They say that Sarah
married a nice lawyer from Budapest, and Esther married a businessman from
Zhitomer, so it must be Sarah's husband. Which means that his name is Alexander
Cohen, if I'm not mistaken. But if he comes from Budapest, with all the
anti-Semitism they have there, he must have changed his name.
What's the Hungarian equivalent of Cohen? Kovacs. But if they allowed him
to change his name, he must have some special status. What could it be? A
doctorate from the University.
At this point the scholar turns to the young man and says, "How do you do,
Dr. Kovacs?"
"Very well, thank you, sir." answered the startled passenger. But how is
it that you know my name?"
"Oh," replied the Talmudist, "it was obvious."
Be careful before you say a lie :
At Duke University there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They were doing so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, that each had an A so far for the semester. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to the University of Virginia and party with some friends there, figuring
they'd have half of Sunday to study. They had a great time, but after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final totally unprepared, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him
why they missed it.
They explained that they had gone to UVA for the weekend with the plan to come back in time to study, but unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time.
As a result, they missed the final.
The professor thought it over and agreed that they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and
relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them.
He placed them in four separate rooms, handed each of them a test book and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem, worth 5% of the grade. It was something reasonably straightforward about free radical
formation. All at the same time, each one in his separate room thought, "This is going to be easy."
Each finished the lengthy problem and then turned the page. On the next page was the only other exam question, worth 95%:
"Which tire?"
Little Jonnie
Third grade teacher always took roll call each morning
and had the pupils answer by reciting a short poem.
The first kid sat in the first row was a
teacher's pet. He stood and said,
"My name is Dan, and
when I become a man,
I would like to go to Japan if I can,
and I think I can."
The next kid was a little girl who sat in the
middle of the room. She stood up and answered the roll
call by stating,
"My name is Suzy,
and when I become a lady I would like
to have a baby...if I can,
and I think I can."
The next on the list was Little Johnny,
sitting in the back of the room. He stood up and said,
"My name is Johnny,
and I don't give a damm
about Japan,
but I would like to help Suzy in her plan
if I can
and I think I can!"
Compiler Definition
This definition of "compiler" must rank as the BEST of the possible
wrong answers. Written by a student in an introductory Computer Science
course.
"A compiler's primary function is to compile, organize the compilation,
and go right back to compiling. It compiles basically only those things
that require to be compiled, ignoring things that should not be
compiled. The main way a compiler compiles, is to compile the things to
be compiled until the compilation is complete."
Engineers Vs Doctors
> Who is brilliant an engineer or a doctor? Readn and find out yourself:
>
> 7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai. So they both
> gather at Pune Station. Both
> groups are desperately trying to prove their Superiority.
>
> SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI) :
>
> 7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets..
> Doctors are desperately waiting
> for TC to come...... When TC arrives, All 7 Engineers get in one
> toilet SO when TC knocks , one
> hand come out with the ticket and the TC goes away....Doctors say
>"Dekh lenge"
>
> NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct train to PUNE.
> So they all decide to take a
> Passenger till Lonavala, from there they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE
>
> SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA) :
>
> Doctors decided, "this time we will prove th at we too are equally
> SHAANE"....All 7 Doctors take 1
> Ticket Engineers don't buy any ticket at all!!!!!..TC arrives....ALL
> DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET. ALL
> ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE ONE..One engineer gets out and knocks the
> door of Doctors toilet, One hand
> comes with the tickets, he takes the ticket and comes in engg
> Bathroom... TC DRIVES out
>
> ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily fined........
> tai tai fissssssss..
>
> SCENE 3 (LONAVALA - PUNE):
>
> SO now both the group on LONAVALA station. Doctors planning their
> move for last chance.. they
> board the local to Pune. This time doctors decide that they will play
> the same (1 ticket) trick. ALL
> Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7 tickets this time... SO
> TC Comes..
>
> All Engineers show their tickets.....Doctors are still searching for
> toilet in the LOCAL
Sardarji
Sardar comes back 2 his car & find a note saying "Parking Fine" He Write a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d complement"
Santa : After my Death U marry Banta singh
Wife : But Why ? He is Ur No.1 Enemy
Santa : Darling this is the only way I can take revench with Banta
How do you recognize a Sardar in School, he is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.
What is a advantage and disadvantage of Ravan. Advantage : He can sing in chorus. Disadvantage : He cannot wear a T-Shirt.
Santa is writing a letter to his son. It goes like this, "Son, I know you can't read fast, so am writing this letter very slow."
Father : Son, where is your report card.
Son: My friend Akhil borrowed it to scare his father.
Why did Ravan not go to Disco ? Because they told him Rs.1000 per head .
Dad : What type of a Girl u want to marry ?
Son : I want to marry a girl who is *Intelligent *Well-Studied *Obeys Parents *Good-Looking
Dad :Then u have to marry 4 times.
Fellow 1 : My grandfather, he knew the exact day of the year that he was going to die. It was the right year too. Not only that, but he knew what time he would die that day, and he was right about that too. Fellow 2 : Wow, that's Incredible. How did he know all of that?" Fellow 1 : "A Judge told him."
Dialog between computer hardware engineer & manager, Engg. : Sir, you cannot use this printer right now because I don't have driver for it. Manager : Oh my driver is ideal sitting in car. you can use him.
Man1 : Why is prime minister not seen in morning.
Man2 : Because he is pm not am
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."
A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?" to this the man replies,"oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai, "wash basin".
Robert and Ajeet are in a boat. The boat suddenly springs a hole and water starts coming inside. Robert is perplexed ! Robert: Boss ab kya hoga ?? Ajeet: aur ek hole me IN aur doosre me out likh do . Ek hole se paani ander aayega aur doosre se bahar chale jayega !!
Once a Sardhar was waking he had a gloves on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the weather forcast announced that on one hand there would be cold and on the other hand there would be hot.
Once a boy asked his father can he sign with closing his eyes his father said I think so I can so the boy said please your eyes and sign my report card.
I look at the moon, the moon is beautiful... I look at you.. I.. I'd rather look at the moon again..
One day a Sardar byes 2 tickets in bus. So conductor asks why are buying 2 tickets? Then Sardar tell "What can I do if 1st ticket will lost"? Then conductor ask him "What would you do if both tickets will lost?" Then Sardar answered him I have "Buss Pass" with me.
Osama song! (Inspired from Gadar) Main nikla, Jahaaz (plane) leke O raste mein Newyork mein ik mod aaya main Trade Tower tod aaya ... Rab jane kab guzra Newyork O Rab jaane kab Pentagon aaya main utthe Jahaaz phod aaya.
Once a lazy man entered party hall and started to eat. A man beside him asked him to wash his hands before he spoil all the food. The lazy man answered lazily why to wash hands twice ?
My uncle in Detroit tried to make a new kind of car. He took the engine from a Ford, the transmission from an Oldsmobile, the tires from a Cadillac, and the exhaust system from a Plymouth.
One Sardar go to Kaun Banega Crorepati. Amitabh said first introductory question. 'what is your father name?' Sardar misunderstanding and said 'Amitabhji please give me a four option'.
Chintu match dekte samay, Raju aya, wo bola kya dekha raha rai. chintu bola match to raju bola abhi kaya hoga, chintu bola abhi four marega, abhi, abhi one run nikalega, abhi, abhi, our ek four abhi kya hoga chintu. Abhi wide ball hoga. abhi, abhi out hoga. chintu tuze kese malum? are yaar ye highlight ye!!!!@@@
An American and a Sardar were walking down the street when the American exclaimed-- look a dead bird. The Sardar looks towards the sky and says -- where, where ???
Life is one joke .love is more dangerous joke than thi s...hello means.... h...have u miss me e...everything is airight l....like to see you l....like to talk to you o....obviously i miss u so always wanna sayas"hello"
Algebra: A weapon of math destruction.
Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering
Thief : quickly hand over your purse I have a gun
Lady : here take it
Thief : ha! ha! no bullets in my gun.
Lady : ha! ha! no money in my purse
The young lady said to Grandpa, "I noticed that when you sneeze, you've learned to put your hand in front of your mouth.""Of course," explained Grandpa. "How else can I catch my teeth???"
A lady gave an advertisement in the classifieds : "Husband Wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing : "You can have mine."
Santo : Banto, You are looking different today.
Banto : Yes, Doctor has asked me to loose some weight.
Santo : So have you lost.
Banto : Yes, I have stop putting my make up.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
Baker (to a lady customer) : Madam, shall I cut the cake into 6 or 12 pieces.
Lady : No, cut it into 4 pieces only. I am on dieting.
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
"We should always call Daddy, Dad and Mummy, Mom" teacher said.
"Then I will call you Mad, the shot form for Madam." student said.
Man : "Where do you want to go for our Anniversary ?"
Wife : "Somewhere I have never been !"
Man : "How about the kitchen ?"
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, "A billionaire."
God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested
The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?""Why" she asked "Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."
Teacher : Where does God live.
Sunny : Teacher God lives in my bathroom.
Teacher : How can you say that.
Sunny : Because every morning when I am in the bathroom, my mother bangs the door and says "Oh god you are still in there".
Teacher : Rahul tell me two nouns.
Rahul : Who ? Me ?
Teacher : Very Good. Sit down.
A Sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and says "
Hello, how did you know I was here?"
Rakesh : What would happen to fishes if sea catches fire.
Rohit : They will climb tree
Rakesh : Have u gone mad, they are not cows and buffaloes which will climb trees.
Mother : John, how did you given your exam ?
John : I left one question only.
Mother : Why ?
John : I thought and thought, but couldn't write the Ppast Tense of 'Think'.
Two's company, three's a crowd but what is four and five? Nine.
What r the 3 fastest ways of communication?
a) Telephone
b) Television
c) Tell-a woman
Heartbreaks will last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them.
In a class room when teacher is teaching a lesson, one sarharji was in a good sleep making a sound. When madam asked who is that making sounds.. Sardarji shouted "I am the one".....
Boss: I told u to tear the newspaper into small pieces..
Servant: Yes boss.. (after tearing the newspaper into small pieces boss said to the servant)
Boss: Join them n make it as it was. I'll come home in the evening to read it............
Sardarji and suicide? Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. somebody stops him and asks -kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?- Sardarji replies -saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun.
living in 2004
You know you're living in 2004 when...
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail your mate who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not
have e-mail addresses.
6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone
in a business manner.
7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "0" or "9"
to get an outside line.
8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three
different companies.
10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.
11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
12. Contractors out number permanent staff and are more likely to get
long-service awards.
AND THE REAL CLINCHERS ARE...
13. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.
14. And now you are laughing at yourself!
Paki Jokes
Although all of us are happy about the improving relationship between India and Pak, it will be always interesting to read some Paki jokes ..njoi ;)
* Scene: trench warfare on Pakistan border, Sikh regiment on one
side,suddenly
Kartar Singh gets a bright idea, shouts!
"Oye Abdul!"
Guy pops up from other trench
"Kya hai be"
BANG! He's shot dead!
"Oye Karim"
2 guys stand up, "Kya hai saala"
BANG BANG both are killed!
"Oye Mustafa!"
2 more, BANG-BANG! Another two down!
Pakis get worried, they think saala Sardarji log, when did they
get so smart? Decide to try it themselves.
"Abe Gurdev Singh"
silence
"Oye Gurdev Singh!!"
silence
"O bhai, Gurdev Singh!"
"Oye Gurdev Singh ko kaun bula rahahai re?"
Paki gets up, "It's me,Ashraf!" BANG!
* Pakistan just got their new Chineses fighter planes and sent a
squadron of pilots there for training.
"Ok, this one is easy to fly", said the Chinese trainer, "even you
fools should be able to operate it! You press this button to go up,
this one to go left and this one for turning right!"
"But how do we come down?" asked Capt. Arfath Pasha.
"Oh," said the Chinese "leave that to the Indian Air Force!"
* This Sardar taxi driver in New York would amuse himself by running
over Pakistanis he saw walking down the side of the road. Every time
he would see a Pakistani walking along the road, he would swerve to
hit him, and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve
back onto the road.
One day, as the taxi driver was driving along he saw a priest
looking for a ride. He pulled the taxi over.
He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?""I'm going
to the church 5 miles down the road," replied the priest.
"No problem, Father! I'll get you there. Get in." The happy
priest climbed in and the taxi driver continued down the road.
Suddenly the Sardar saw a Pakistani walking down the road and
instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was
a priest in the car with him, so at the last minute he swerved back
away, narrowly missing the Paki. However even though he was certain he
missed the Paki, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where
the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see
anything, he turned to the priest and said,
"I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that Pakistani"
"That's okay", replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"
* Ashraf, the Pakistani went to London's Heathrow airport to buy
his ticket back home to Rawalpindi. At the counter he found that he
was 10pence short of the fare.
Having no other way out, he turned to all the other passengers
and begged.."
Will someone please give me 10 pence? I badly want to go back
and meet my Abba and Ammi again!"
"Here" said a Sardar, reaching into his wallet and handing him
one Pound "..keep the change and take nine of your country men with
you!"
* At a convention of biological scientists one researcher remarks to
another,
"Did you know that in our lab we have switched from rats to Pakistanis
for our experiments?"
"Really?" the other replied, "Why did you switch?"
"Well, for three reasons. First we found that Pakistanis are far more
plentiful, second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them,
and thirdly there are some things even a rat won't do. However, sometimes
it very hard to exterpolate our test results to human beings."
* Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the
barman, "Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?" The barman says "Yep, that's
them." So the guy walks over and says, "Hello, what are you guys doing?"
And Bush says, "We're planning world war 3"
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
And Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and
one bicycle repairman."
And the guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman????!!!"
So Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, "See, I told you no-one would worry
about the 14 million Pakistanis!"
* Did you hear about the shutdown of the Karachi National Library ?
Somebody stole the book.
* An insect falls into a mug of beer....
Englishman : Throws his mug away and walks out
American : Takes the insect out and drinks the beer
Chinese : Eats the insect and throws the beer away
Indian : Sells the beer to the American and insect to the
Chinese and gets a new mug of beer..
Pakistani : Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his
beer. Relates the issue to Kashmir. Asks the Chinese
for Military aid. Takes a loan from the American to buy
one more mug of beer.
* How do you save a drowning Pakistani?
Take your foot off his head!
* Have you ever seen Pakistani war heroes ?
Neither has Pakistan.
Although all of us are happy about the improving relationship between India and Pak, it will be always interesting to read some Paki jokes ..njoi ;)
* Scene: trench warfare on Pakistan border, Sikh regiment on one
side,suddenly
Kartar Singh gets a bright idea, shouts!
"Oye Abdul!"
Guy pops up from other trench
"Kya hai be"
BANG! He's shot dead!
"Oye Karim"
2 guys stand up, "Kya hai saala"
BANG BANG both are killed!
"Oye Mustafa!"
2 more, BANG-BANG! Another two down!
Pakis get worried, they think saala Sardarji log, when did they
get so smart? Decide to try it themselves.
"Abe Gurdev Singh"
silence
"Oye Gurdev Singh!!"
silence
"O bhai, Gurdev Singh!"
"Oye Gurdev Singh ko kaun bula rahahai re?"
Paki gets up, "It's me,Ashraf!" BANG!
* Pakistan just got their new Chineses fighter planes and sent a
squadron of pilots there for training.
"Ok, this one is easy to fly", said the Chinese trainer, "even you
fools should be able to operate it! You press this button to go up,
this one to go left and this one for turning right!"
"But how do we come down?" asked Capt. Arfath Pasha.
"Oh," said the Chinese "leave that to the Indian Air Force!"
* This Sardar taxi driver in New York would amuse himself by running
over Pakistanis he saw walking down the side of the road. Every time
he would see a Pakistani walking along the road, he would swerve to
hit him, and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve
back onto the road.
One day, as the taxi driver was driving along he saw a priest
looking for a ride. He pulled the taxi over.
He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?""I'm going
to the church 5 miles down the road," replied the priest.
"No problem, Father! I'll get you there. Get in." The happy
priest climbed in and the taxi driver continued down the road.
Suddenly the Sardar saw a Pakistani walking down the road and
instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was
a priest in the car with him, so at the last minute he swerved back
away, narrowly missing the Paki. However even though he was certain he
missed the Paki, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where
the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see
anything, he turned to the priest and said,
"I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that Pakistani"
"That's okay", replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"
* Ashraf, the Pakistani went to London's Heathrow airport to buy
his ticket back home to Rawalpindi. At the counter he found that he
was 10pence short of the fare.
Having no other way out, he turned to all the other passengers
and begged.."
Will someone please give me 10 pence? I badly want to go back
and meet my Abba and Ammi again!"
"Here" said a Sardar, reaching into his wallet and handing him
one Pound "..keep the change and take nine of your country men with
you!"
* At a convention of biological scientists one researcher remarks to
another,
"Did you know that in our lab we have switched from rats to Pakistanis
for our experiments?"
"Really?" the other replied, "Why did you switch?"
"Well, for three reasons. First we found that Pakistanis are far more
plentiful, second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them,
and thirdly there are some things even a rat won't do. However, sometimes
it very hard to exterpolate our test results to human beings."
* Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the
barman, "Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?" The barman says "Yep, that's
them." So the guy walks over and says, "Hello, what are you guys doing?"
And Bush says, "We're planning world war 3"
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
And Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and
one bicycle repairman."
And the guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman????!!!"
So Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, "See, I told you no-one would worry
about the 14 million Pakistanis!"
* Did you hear about the shutdown of the Karachi National Library ?
Somebody stole the book.
* An insect falls into a mug of beer....
Englishman : Throws his mug away and walks out
American : Takes the insect out and drinks the beer
Chinese : Eats the insect and throws the beer away
Indian : Sells the beer to the American and insect to the
Chinese and gets a new mug of beer..
Pakistani : Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his
beer. Relates the issue to Kashmir. Asks the Chinese
for Military aid. Takes a loan from the American to buy
one more mug of beer.
* How do you save a drowning Pakistani?
Take your foot off his head!
* Have you ever seen Pakistani war heroes ?
Neither has Pakistan.
