Friday, August 20, 2004
Jayan Dialogues (only for mallu guys)
1. oru kodumkaatt adichirunnengill kurachu kaatu kollamayirunnu
2. oru agniparvatham pottiyirunnengill kurachu chudu kollamayirunnu
3. oru mathill undayirunnengill chadi odamayirunnu
4. oru helicopter undayirunnengill thungikidennadamayirunnu.. pinne thazhekku eduthu chadamayirunnu
5. jayabharathi kandirunnengill panchar ayadikkamayirunnu.. oru mazhayum koodi undayirunnengill oru pattu padamayirunnu
6. oru kambi kittiyirunnengill valachu nakku vadikkamayirunnu
7. oru perumbambine kittiyirunnengill marathu malayayi aniyamayirunnu
8. oru kuthiraye kittiyirunnengill malpiditham nadathamayirunnu
9. oru train vannirunnengill chavutti marichidamayirunnu
10. oru kariminine kittiyirunnengill kadichu polikkamayirunnu
11. randu panji kittiyirunnengill mukkill vachu chathathu pole kidakkamayirunnu
12. randu maruthi car kittiyirunnengill cherupayittidamayirunnu
13. idukki damill vellam pongiyirunnengill kudichu vattikamayirunnu
14. ammachiplavu kandirunnengill kayari olichirikkamayirunnu
15. oru passport kittiyirunnengill H1-B stamp cheythu americayillekku pokamayirunnu
16. njan purse edukkan marannu poyi.. eduthathu cement chakkayi poyi
17. pathu cent sthalavum, 4 kinarum, kurachu tire-um kittiyrunnengil... carroms kalikkamayirunnu
18. moorkhan kadichathu nannayi... neerkoli kadichirunnengil... maanam poyene
19. oru theakinte kashnam kittiyirunnengill pallu theykamayirunnu
20. oru escalator kittyirunnengil, puram choriyaamaayirunnu!
21. oru attaye kittiyirunnengil, pidichu methayil kidathaamaayirunnu.
22. kurachu eddili kittiyirunnengil sharttinu buttons iddamayirunnu
23. oru hocky stick kittiyirunnengil.. chevi thondamayirunnu
24. oru nattoli kittiyrunnangil ollattamayirunu
25. oru sorry kittiyrunnangil maapu parayamayirunu
26. randu tectonic plate kittiyirunnengil oru bhoomi kulukkam undakkamayirunnu
27. oru enfield bullet kittyurunnengil roller skate cheyyamayirunnu
28. oru mungi kappal kittiyurunnegil oruship mukkamayirunnu
29. Veliyil oru paambu kidannirunnenkil Eduthu konakathil vaykaaamaayirunnu
30. oru paatta keel kittiyirunnel jayabharathikku kannezhuthamayirunnooo
31. oru suresh gopiye kittiyirunnenkil raajyam nannakkamayirunnu
32. shakkeelayude oru blowse undayirunnenkil 10 chakk ari alakkamayirunnu
33. oru kaattuthee vannirunnnenkil ee beedikku thee koluthamayirunnu
34. oru kuthiraye kittiyirunnenkil athine kulippichu muscle kanikkamayirunnu
35. oru 100Kg dumbell kittiyirunnenkil thalayile penine adichu kollamayirunnu
36. oru vellapokkam vannirunnenkil 1/2 glass vellam kudikkamayirunnu
37. oru aanaye kittiyirunnenkillll paper weight aakkaamaayirunnu
38. oru dish antenna kittiyurunnengil kuda pidickaamaayirunnu
39. oru idiyappam kittiyirunnengil kuruckazhichu kalickaamaayirunnu
40. oru naarayan moorthiyum prem-jiyum undaayirunnengil jaifosysum jaiproyum thudangaamayirunnu
41. jaipro/jaifosys : jayabharathickum kaviyoor ponnammayckum seemayckum ESOPS koduckaamaayirunnu
42. jaipro/jaifosys : balan.k.naire loan edippichu kuppiyilackaamaayirunnu
43. jaipro/jaifosys : aalammoodane gym-il kettamaayirunnu
44. jaipro/jaifosys : sukumaarane on-site-il vidaamaayirunnu
45. jaipro/jaifosys : janaardhanane HR head ackaamaayirunnu
46. oru virusine kittiyurunnengil onnu malpiditham nadathaamaayirunnu
47. bill gates-ine kandirunnengill randu pottickaamaayirunnu
48. e-commerce padichirunnengil kannoril ninnum kure bomb vangaamaayirunnu
49. oru P III kittiyirunnengil cricket-il stump ackaamaayirunnu
50. oru rocket kittiyirunnengil kayaril ketti pattam parathaamaayirunnu
51. oru mangaandi kittiyirunnengil onnu chappi nadackaamaayirunnu
52. oru road roller kittiyirunnengil shirt onnu iron cheyyamaayirunnu
53. oru "flying saucer" kittiyirunnengil oru cup chaaya kudickaamaayirunnu
54. 100 gold fish-ne kittiyirunnengil jayabharathi-kku oru swarnakkammal undaai koduckaamaayirunnu ..
55. oru 70 mm theater kittiyirunnengil laptop-inte screen ackaamaayirunnu
56.oru maruthikarum kurachu hose pipum kittiyirunnengil mouse aayi upayogickaamaayirunnu
57. 6 thengum nedumbassery runwayum kittiyirunnegil cricket kalickaamayirunnu
58. oru titianic kittiyirunnengil vallam kalicku pankeduckaamaayirunnu
59. bharathapuzhayil vellam undayirunnengil daaham mattamaayirunnu
60.oru pappadam kittiyirunnengil .. paayasathil mucki kollaamaayirunnu
61. oru bofors gun kittiyirunnengil vedi vachu padickaamaayirunnu
62. oru vimaanam kittiyirunnengil oothi parappickaamaayirunnu
63. navagrahangale kittiyirunnengil kurachu neram goli kalickaamaayirunnu
64. oru choonda kittiyirunnengil Titanic-ine pokki nockaamaayirunnu
65. barmuda triangle-il poyirunnengil kurachu neram swim cheyyammayirunnu
66. randu satellite dish antenna undaayirunnengil shakeelacku vendi blouse thayickaamaayirunnu
67. oru neelathimingalathine kittiyirunnengil veettile fish tankil idammayirunnu
68. kurachu thanneer mathan kittiyirunnengil gotti kalichu rasikkamayirunnu
69. oru microwave kittiyirunnengil kai unackaamaayirunnu
70. oru helicopter kandirunnel fan pidichu niruthaamaayirunnu
71. oru plane kandirunningil chaadi pidickaamaayirunnu
72. america-yil pokan pattiyirunnengil bush-ine thazhe irackaamaayirunnu
73. 100 bomb kittiyirunnengill, vishuvinu pottikkamayirunnuu
74. koruacu scud kittiyirunnengil, vaanam vittu kalickaamaayirunnu
75. kurachu paal payasam undayirunnengil, veedu white wash cheyyamaayirunnu
76. Oru chiratta kittiyengil athil vellam nirachu suicide cheyyamayirunnoo
77. najn jevichiruppundaayirunnengil , aatmahathya cheyyamaayirunnu
78. suryanil poyirunnengil onnu sun-bath cheyyamaayrunnu
79. bhimane kittiyirunnengil , paanchaalicku vendi malpidutham nadathaamaayirunnu
80. oru kathrika kittiyirunnengil ee road murichu kadakkamaayirunnu
81. oru bhoomikuluckam undayirunnengil, onnu virackaamaayirunnu ( shiver )
1. oru kodumkaatt adichirunnengill kurachu kaatu kollamayirunnu
2. oru agniparvatham pottiyirunnengill kurachu chudu kollamayirunnu
3. oru mathill undayirunnengill chadi odamayirunnu
4. oru helicopter undayirunnengill thungikidennadamayirunnu.. pinne thazhekku eduthu chadamayirunnu
5. jayabharathi kandirunnengill panchar ayadikkamayirunnu.. oru mazhayum koodi undayirunnengill oru pattu padamayirunnu
6. oru kambi kittiyirunnengill valachu nakku vadikkamayirunnu
7. oru perumbambine kittiyirunnengill marathu malayayi aniyamayirunnu
8. oru kuthiraye kittiyirunnengill malpiditham nadathamayirunnu
9. oru train vannirunnengill chavutti marichidamayirunnu
10. oru kariminine kittiyirunnengill kadichu polikkamayirunnu
11. randu panji kittiyirunnengill mukkill vachu chathathu pole kidakkamayirunnu
12. randu maruthi car kittiyirunnengill cherupayittidamayirunnu
13. idukki damill vellam pongiyirunnengill kudichu vattikamayirunnu
14. ammachiplavu kandirunnengill kayari olichirikkamayirunnu
15. oru passport kittiyirunnengill H1-B stamp cheythu americayillekku pokamayirunnu
16. njan purse edukkan marannu poyi.. eduthathu cement chakkayi poyi
17. pathu cent sthalavum, 4 kinarum, kurachu tire-um kittiyrunnengil... carroms kalikkamayirunnu
18. moorkhan kadichathu nannayi... neerkoli kadichirunnengil... maanam poyene
19. oru theakinte kashnam kittiyirunnengill pallu theykamayirunnu
20. oru escalator kittyirunnengil, puram choriyaamaayirunnu!
21. oru attaye kittiyirunnengil, pidichu methayil kidathaamaayirunnu.
22. kurachu eddili kittiyirunnengil sharttinu buttons iddamayirunnu
23. oru hocky stick kittiyirunnengil.. chevi thondamayirunnu
24. oru nattoli kittiyrunnangil ollattamayirunu
25. oru sorry kittiyrunnangil maapu parayamayirunu
26. randu tectonic plate kittiyirunnengil oru bhoomi kulukkam undakkamayirunnu
27. oru enfield bullet kittyurunnengil roller skate cheyyamayirunnu
28. oru mungi kappal kittiyurunnegil oruship mukkamayirunnu
29. Veliyil oru paambu kidannirunnenkil Eduthu konakathil vaykaaamaayirunnu
30. oru paatta keel kittiyirunnel jayabharathikku kannezhuthamayirunnooo
31. oru suresh gopiye kittiyirunnenkil raajyam nannakkamayirunnu
32. shakkeelayude oru blowse undayirunnenkil 10 chakk ari alakkamayirunnu
33. oru kaattuthee vannirunnnenkil ee beedikku thee koluthamayirunnu
34. oru kuthiraye kittiyirunnenkil athine kulippichu muscle kanikkamayirunnu
35. oru 100Kg dumbell kittiyirunnenkil thalayile penine adichu kollamayirunnu
36. oru vellapokkam vannirunnenkil 1/2 glass vellam kudikkamayirunnu
37. oru aanaye kittiyirunnenkillll paper weight aakkaamaayirunnu
38. oru dish antenna kittiyurunnengil kuda pidickaamaayirunnu
39. oru idiyappam kittiyirunnengil kuruckazhichu kalickaamaayirunnu
40. oru naarayan moorthiyum prem-jiyum undaayirunnengil jaifosysum jaiproyum thudangaamayirunnu
41. jaipro/jaifosys : jayabharathickum kaviyoor ponnammayckum seemayckum ESOPS koduckaamaayirunnu
42. jaipro/jaifosys : balan.k.naire loan edippichu kuppiyilackaamaayirunnu
43. jaipro/jaifosys : aalammoodane gym-il kettamaayirunnu
44. jaipro/jaifosys : sukumaarane on-site-il vidaamaayirunnu
45. jaipro/jaifosys : janaardhanane HR head ackaamaayirunnu
46. oru virusine kittiyurunnengil onnu malpiditham nadathaamaayirunnu
47. bill gates-ine kandirunnengill randu pottickaamaayirunnu
48. e-commerce padichirunnengil kannoril ninnum kure bomb vangaamaayirunnu
49. oru P III kittiyirunnengil cricket-il stump ackaamaayirunnu
50. oru rocket kittiyirunnengil kayaril ketti pattam parathaamaayirunnu
51. oru mangaandi kittiyirunnengil onnu chappi nadackaamaayirunnu
52. oru road roller kittiyirunnengil shirt onnu iron cheyyamaayirunnu
53. oru "flying saucer" kittiyirunnengil oru cup chaaya kudickaamaayirunnu
54. 100 gold fish-ne kittiyirunnengil jayabharathi-kku oru swarnakkammal undaai koduckaamaayirunnu ..
55. oru 70 mm theater kittiyirunnengil laptop-inte screen ackaamaayirunnu
56.oru maruthikarum kurachu hose pipum kittiyirunnengil mouse aayi upayogickaamaayirunnu
57. 6 thengum nedumbassery runwayum kittiyirunnegil cricket kalickaamayirunnu
58. oru titianic kittiyirunnengil vallam kalicku pankeduckaamaayirunnu
59. bharathapuzhayil vellam undayirunnengil daaham mattamaayirunnu
60.oru pappadam kittiyirunnengil .. paayasathil mucki kollaamaayirunnu
61. oru bofors gun kittiyirunnengil vedi vachu padickaamaayirunnu
62. oru vimaanam kittiyirunnengil oothi parappickaamaayirunnu
63. navagrahangale kittiyirunnengil kurachu neram goli kalickaamaayirunnu
64. oru choonda kittiyirunnengil Titanic-ine pokki nockaamaayirunnu
65. barmuda triangle-il poyirunnengil kurachu neram swim cheyyammayirunnu
66. randu satellite dish antenna undaayirunnengil shakeelacku vendi blouse thayickaamaayirunnu
67. oru neelathimingalathine kittiyirunnengil veettile fish tankil idammayirunnu
68. kurachu thanneer mathan kittiyirunnengil gotti kalichu rasikkamayirunnu
69. oru microwave kittiyirunnengil kai unackaamaayirunnu
70. oru helicopter kandirunnel fan pidichu niruthaamaayirunnu
71. oru plane kandirunningil chaadi pidickaamaayirunnu
72. america-yil pokan pattiyirunnengil bush-ine thazhe irackaamaayirunnu
73. 100 bomb kittiyirunnengill, vishuvinu pottikkamayirunnuu
74. koruacu scud kittiyirunnengil, vaanam vittu kalickaamaayirunnu
75. kurachu paal payasam undayirunnengil, veedu white wash cheyyamaayirunnu
76. Oru chiratta kittiyengil athil vellam nirachu suicide cheyyamayirunnoo
77. najn jevichiruppundaayirunnengil , aatmahathya cheyyamaayirunnu
78. suryanil poyirunnengil onnu sun-bath cheyyamaayrunnu
79. bhimane kittiyirunnengil , paanchaalicku vendi malpidutham nadathaamaayirunnu
80. oru kathrika kittiyirunnengil ee road murichu kadakkamaayirunnu
81. oru bhoomikuluckam undayirunnengil, onnu virackaamaayirunnu ( shiver )
Thursday, August 19, 2004
Monday, August 16, 2004
Funny Quotes
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)
Death is hereditary.
There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.
A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good, either.
I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.
Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.
Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat
word for word what you shouldn't have said.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching
them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years
telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
Children will soon forget your presents. They will always
remember your presence.
The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind
yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your kids.
A child's greatest period of growth is the month after
you've purchased new school clothes.
"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is."
"I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?"
"I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own."
"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with."
"My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden."
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)
Death is hereditary.
There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.
A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good, either.
I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.
Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.
Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat
word for word what you shouldn't have said.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching
them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years
telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
Children will soon forget your presents. They will always
remember your presence.
The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind
yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your kids.
A child's greatest period of growth is the month after
you've purchased new school clothes.
"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is."
"I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?"
"I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own."
"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with."
"My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden."
Monday, August 09, 2004
Teacher: "Sam, what is the outside of a tree called?"
Sam: "I don’t know."
Teacher: "Bark, Sam, bark."
Sam: "Bow, wow, wow!"
--
Teacher: Johnny, you know you can't sleep in my class.
Johnny: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.
-----
Teacher: Milton, how can you prove the earth is round?
Milton: I can't. Besides, I never said it was.
--------
The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None," answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"
---------
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
-----------
The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, "What do you like best about it, class? Let's start with you, Robert."
"The artwork," says Robert.
"Very good. And you, Peter?"
"Her tits!" says Peter.
"Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall," responds the teacher with disgust. "And you, Johnny?"
"I'm leaving, teacher, I'm leaving..."
----------
"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.
"Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.
"No."
"I'm the principal's daughter."
"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy.
"No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!"
-------
"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."
"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"
-------
Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?
Joseph: Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?
Joseph: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go Slow!"
-------
A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers."
-------
The answer to the problem was "log(1+x)". A student copied the answer from the student next to him, but didn't want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to "timber(1+x)".
----
When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
----
A black hole - a tremendous creation
Its physics defies imagination
Time and space it can bend
Wow! I can't comprehend
The gravity of this situation
----------
Wanted
$10,000 reward.
Schroedinger's Cat.
Dead or Alive
-------
Why the Sky Is Blue
by John Ciardi
I don't suppose you happen to know
Why the sky is blue? It's because the snow
Takes out the white. That leaves it clean
For the trees and grass to take out the green.
Then pears and bananas start to mellow,
And bit by bit they take out the yellow.
The sunsets, of course, take out the red
And pour it into the ocean bed
Or behind the mountains in the west.
You take all that out and the rest
Couldn't be anything else but blue.
Look for yourself. You can see it's true.
----
Q: What did the Nuclear Physicist have for lunch?
A: Fission Chips.
-----
Formula: "Energy equals milk chocolate squared"
-------
Philosophers have long wondered why socks have this habit of getting lost, and why humans always end up with large collections of unmatched odd socks. One school of thought says that socks are very antisocial creatures, and have a deep sense of rivalry. In particular, two socks of the same design have feelings of loathing towards each other and hence it is nearly impossible to pair them (e.g. a blue sock will usually be found nestling up to a black one, rather than its fellow blue sock)
On the other hand, quantum theorists explain it all by a generalized exclusion principle - it is impossible for two socks to be in the same state, and when it is in danger of happening, one of the socks has to vanish. Indeed the Uncertainty Principle also comes in - the only time you know where a sock is, is when you are wearing it, and hence unable to be sure exactly how fast it is moving. The moment you stop moving and look at your sock, it then starts falling to pieces, changing color, or otherwise becoming indeterminate.
Either way, socks may possess Color and Strangeness, but they seem to lack Charm.
Sam: "I don’t know."
Teacher: "Bark, Sam, bark."
Sam: "Bow, wow, wow!"
--
Teacher: Johnny, you know you can't sleep in my class.
Johnny: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.
-----
Teacher: Milton, how can you prove the earth is round?
Milton: I can't. Besides, I never said it was.
--------
The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None," answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"
---------
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
-----------
The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, "What do you like best about it, class? Let's start with you, Robert."
"The artwork," says Robert.
"Very good. And you, Peter?"
"Her tits!" says Peter.
"Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall," responds the teacher with disgust. "And you, Johnny?"
"I'm leaving, teacher, I'm leaving..."
----------
"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.
"Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.
"No."
"I'm the principal's daughter."
"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy.
"No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!"
-------
"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."
"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"
-------
Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?
Joseph: Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?
Joseph: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go Slow!"
-------
A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers."
-------
The answer to the problem was "log(1+x)". A student copied the answer from the student next to him, but didn't want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to "timber(1+x)".
----
When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
----
A black hole - a tremendous creation
Its physics defies imagination
Time and space it can bend
Wow! I can't comprehend
The gravity of this situation
----------
Wanted
$10,000 reward.
Schroedinger's Cat.
Dead or Alive
-------
Why the Sky Is Blue
by John Ciardi
I don't suppose you happen to know
Why the sky is blue? It's because the snow
Takes out the white. That leaves it clean
For the trees and grass to take out the green.
Then pears and bananas start to mellow,
And bit by bit they take out the yellow.
The sunsets, of course, take out the red
And pour it into the ocean bed
Or behind the mountains in the west.
You take all that out and the rest
Couldn't be anything else but blue.
Look for yourself. You can see it's true.
----
Q: What did the Nuclear Physicist have for lunch?
A: Fission Chips.
-----
Formula: "Energy equals milk chocolate squared"
-------
Philosophers have long wondered why socks have this habit of getting lost, and why humans always end up with large collections of unmatched odd socks. One school of thought says that socks are very antisocial creatures, and have a deep sense of rivalry. In particular, two socks of the same design have feelings of loathing towards each other and hence it is nearly impossible to pair them (e.g. a blue sock will usually be found nestling up to a black one, rather than its fellow blue sock)
On the other hand, quantum theorists explain it all by a generalized exclusion principle - it is impossible for two socks to be in the same state, and when it is in danger of happening, one of the socks has to vanish. Indeed the Uncertainty Principle also comes in - the only time you know where a sock is, is when you are wearing it, and hence unable to be sure exactly how fast it is moving. The moment you stop moving and look at your sock, it then starts falling to pieces, changing color, or otherwise becoming indeterminate.
Either way, socks may possess Color and Strangeness, but they seem to lack Charm.
Friday, August 06, 2004
Teacher: "Sam, what is the outside of a tree called?"
Sam: "I don’t know."
Teacher: "Bark, Sam, bark."
Sam: "Bow, wow, wow!"
--
Teacher: Johnny, you know you can't sleep in my class.
Johnny: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.
-----
Teacher: Milton, how can you prove the earth is round?
Milton: I can't. Besides, I never said it was.
--------
The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None," answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"
---------
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
-----------
The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, "What do you like best about it, class? Let's start with you, Robert."
"The artwork," says Robert.
"Very good. And you, Peter?"
"Her tits!" says Peter.
"Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall," responds the teacher with disgust. "And you, Johnny?"
"I'm leaving, teacher, I'm leaving..."
----------
"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.
"Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.
"No."
"I'm the principal's daughter."
"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy.
"No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!"
-------
"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."
"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"
-------
Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?
Joseph: Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?
Joseph: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go Slow!"
-------
A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers."
-------
The answer to the problem was "log(1+x)". A student copied the answer from the student next to him, but didn't want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to "timber(1+x)".
----
When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
----
A black hole - a tremendous creation
Its physics defies imagination
Time and space it can bend
Wow! I can't comprehend
The gravity of this situation
----------
Wanted
$10,000 reward.
Schroedinger's Cat.
Dead or Alive
-------
Why the Sky Is Blue
by John Ciardi
I don't suppose you happen to know
Why the sky is blue? It's because the snow
Takes out the white. That leaves it clean
For the trees and grass to take out the green.
Then pears and bananas start to mellow,
And bit by bit they take out the yellow.
The sunsets, of course, take out the red
And pour it into the ocean bed
Or behind the mountains in the west.
You take all that out and the rest
Couldn't be anything else but blue.
Look for yourself. You can see it's true.
----
Q: What did the Nuclear Physicist have for lunch?
A: Fission Chips.
-----
Formula: "Energy equals milk chocolate squared"
-------
Philosophers have long wondered why socks have this habit of getting lost, and why humans always end up with large collections of unmatched odd socks. One school of thought says that socks are very antisocial creatures, and have a deep sense of rivalry. In particular, two socks of the same design have feelings of loathing towards each other and hence it is nearly impossible to pair them (e.g. a blue sock will usually be found nestling up to a black one, rather than its fellow blue sock)
On the other hand, quantum theorists explain it all by a generalized exclusion principle - it is impossible for two socks to be in the same state, and when it is in danger of happening, one of the socks has to vanish. Indeed the Uncertainty Principle also comes in - the only time you know where a sock is, is when you are wearing it, and hence unable to be sure exactly how fast it is moving. The moment you stop moving and look at your sock, it then starts falling to pieces, changing color, or otherwise becoming indeterminate.
Either way, socks may possess Color and Strangeness, but they seem to lack Charm.
Sam: "I don’t know."
Teacher: "Bark, Sam, bark."
Sam: "Bow, wow, wow!"
--
Teacher: Johnny, you know you can't sleep in my class.
Johnny: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.
-----
Teacher: Milton, how can you prove the earth is round?
Milton: I can't. Besides, I never said it was.
--------
The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None," answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"
---------
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
-----------
The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, "What do you like best about it, class? Let's start with you, Robert."
"The artwork," says Robert.
"Very good. And you, Peter?"
"Her tits!" says Peter.
"Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall," responds the teacher with disgust. "And you, Johnny?"
"I'm leaving, teacher, I'm leaving..."
----------
"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.
"Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.
"No."
"I'm the principal's daughter."
"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy.
"No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!"
-------
"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."
"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"
-------
Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?
Joseph: Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?
Joseph: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go Slow!"
-------
A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers."
-------
The answer to the problem was "log(1+x)". A student copied the answer from the student next to him, but didn't want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to "timber(1+x)".
----
When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
----
A black hole - a tremendous creation
Its physics defies imagination
Time and space it can bend
Wow! I can't comprehend
The gravity of this situation
----------
Wanted
$10,000 reward.
Schroedinger's Cat.
Dead or Alive
-------
Why the Sky Is Blue
by John Ciardi
I don't suppose you happen to know
Why the sky is blue? It's because the snow
Takes out the white. That leaves it clean
For the trees and grass to take out the green.
Then pears and bananas start to mellow,
And bit by bit they take out the yellow.
The sunsets, of course, take out the red
And pour it into the ocean bed
Or behind the mountains in the west.
You take all that out and the rest
Couldn't be anything else but blue.
Look for yourself. You can see it's true.
----
Q: What did the Nuclear Physicist have for lunch?
A: Fission Chips.
-----
Formula: "Energy equals milk chocolate squared"
-------
Philosophers have long wondered why socks have this habit of getting lost, and why humans always end up with large collections of unmatched odd socks. One school of thought says that socks are very antisocial creatures, and have a deep sense of rivalry. In particular, two socks of the same design have feelings of loathing towards each other and hence it is nearly impossible to pair them (e.g. a blue sock will usually be found nestling up to a black one, rather than its fellow blue sock)
On the other hand, quantum theorists explain it all by a generalized exclusion principle - it is impossible for two socks to be in the same state, and when it is in danger of happening, one of the socks has to vanish. Indeed the Uncertainty Principle also comes in - the only time you know where a sock is, is when you are wearing it, and hence unable to be sure exactly how fast it is moving. The moment you stop moving and look at your sock, it then starts falling to pieces, changing color, or otherwise becoming indeterminate.
Either way, socks may possess Color and Strangeness, but they seem to lack Charm.
Teacher: "Sam, what is the outside of a tree called?"
Sam: "I don’t know."
Teacher: "Bark, Sam, bark."
Sam: "Bow, wow, wow!"
--
Teacher: Johnny, you know you can't sleep in my class.
Johnny: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.
-----
Teacher: Milton, how can you prove the earth is round?
Milton: I can't. Besides, I never said it was.
--------
The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None," answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"
---------
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
-----------
The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, "What do you like best about it, class? Let's start with you, Robert."
"The artwork," says Robert.
"Very good. And you, Peter?"
"Her tits!" says Peter.
"Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall," responds the teacher with disgust. "And you, Johnny?"
"I'm leaving, teacher, I'm leaving..."
----------
"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.
"Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.
"No."
"I'm the principal's daughter."
"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy.
"No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!"
-------
"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."
"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"
-------
Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?
Joseph: Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?
Joseph: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go Slow!"
-------
A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers."
-------
The answer to the problem was "log(1+x)". A student copied the answer from the student next to him, but didn't want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to "timber(1+x)".
----
When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
----
A black hole - a tremendous creation
Its physics defies imagination
Time and space it can bend
Wow! I can't comprehend
The gravity of this situation
----------
Wanted
$10,000 reward.
Schroedinger's Cat.
Dead or Alive
-------
Why the Sky Is Blue
by John Ciardi
I don't suppose you happen to know
Why the sky is blue? It's because the snow
Takes out the white. That leaves it clean
For the trees and grass to take out the green.
Then pears and bananas start to mellow,
And bit by bit they take out the yellow.
The sunsets, of course, take out the red
And pour it into the ocean bed
Or behind the mountains in the west.
You take all that out and the rest
Couldn't be anything else but blue.
Look for yourself. You can see it's true.
----
Q: What did the Nuclear Physicist have for lunch?
A: Fission Chips.
-----
Formula: "Energy equals milk chocolate squared"
-------
Philosophers have long wondered why socks have this habit of getting lost, and why humans always end up with large collections of unmatched odd socks. One school of thought says that socks are very antisocial creatures, and have a deep sense of rivalry. In particular, two socks of the same design have feelings of loathing towards each other and hence it is nearly impossible to pair them (e.g. a blue sock will usually be found nestling up to a black one, rather than its fellow blue sock)
On the other hand, quantum theorists explain it all by a generalized exclusion principle - it is impossible for two socks to be in the same state, and when it is in danger of happening, one of the socks has to vanish. Indeed the Uncertainty Principle also comes in - the only time you know where a sock is, is when you are wearing it, and hence unable to be sure exactly how fast it is moving. The moment you stop moving and look at your sock, it then starts falling to pieces, changing color, or otherwise becoming indeterminate.
Either way, socks may possess Color and Strangeness, but they seem to lack Charm.
--------
Sam: "I don’t know."
Teacher: "Bark, Sam, bark."
Sam: "Bow, wow, wow!"
--
Teacher: Johnny, you know you can't sleep in my class.
Johnny: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.
-----
Teacher: Milton, how can you prove the earth is round?
Milton: I can't. Besides, I never said it was.
--------
The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None," answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"
---------
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
-----------
The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, "What do you like best about it, class? Let's start with you, Robert."
"The artwork," says Robert.
"Very good. And you, Peter?"
"Her tits!" says Peter.
"Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall," responds the teacher with disgust. "And you, Johnny?"
"I'm leaving, teacher, I'm leaving..."
----------
"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.
"Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.
"No."
"I'm the principal's daughter."
"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy.
"No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!"
-------
"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."
"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"
-------
Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?
Joseph: Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?
Joseph: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go Slow!"
-------
A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers."
-------
The answer to the problem was "log(1+x)". A student copied the answer from the student next to him, but didn't want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to "timber(1+x)".
----
When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
----
A black hole - a tremendous creation
Its physics defies imagination
Time and space it can bend
Wow! I can't comprehend
The gravity of this situation
----------
Wanted
$10,000 reward.
Schroedinger's Cat.
Dead or Alive
-------
Why the Sky Is Blue
by John Ciardi
I don't suppose you happen to know
Why the sky is blue? It's because the snow
Takes out the white. That leaves it clean
For the trees and grass to take out the green.
Then pears and bananas start to mellow,
And bit by bit they take out the yellow.
The sunsets, of course, take out the red
And pour it into the ocean bed
Or behind the mountains in the west.
You take all that out and the rest
Couldn't be anything else but blue.
Look for yourself. You can see it's true.
----
Q: What did the Nuclear Physicist have for lunch?
A: Fission Chips.
-----
Formula: "Energy equals milk chocolate squared"
-------
Philosophers have long wondered why socks have this habit of getting lost, and why humans always end up with large collections of unmatched odd socks. One school of thought says that socks are very antisocial creatures, and have a deep sense of rivalry. In particular, two socks of the same design have feelings of loathing towards each other and hence it is nearly impossible to pair them (e.g. a blue sock will usually be found nestling up to a black one, rather than its fellow blue sock)
On the other hand, quantum theorists explain it all by a generalized exclusion principle - it is impossible for two socks to be in the same state, and when it is in danger of happening, one of the socks has to vanish. Indeed the Uncertainty Principle also comes in - the only time you know where a sock is, is when you are wearing it, and hence unable to be sure exactly how fast it is moving. The moment you stop moving and look at your sock, it then starts falling to pieces, changing color, or otherwise becoming indeterminate.
Either way, socks may possess Color and Strangeness, but they seem to lack Charm.
--------
Teacher: "Sam, what is the outside of a tree called?"
Sam: "I don’t know."
Teacher: "Bark, Sam, bark."
Sam: "Bow, wow, wow!"
--
Teacher: Johnny, you know you can't sleep in my class.
Johnny: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.
-----
Teacher: Milton, how can you prove the earth is round?
Milton: I can't. Besides, I never said it was.
--------
The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None," answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"
---------
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
-----------
The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, "What do you like best about it, class? Let's start with you, Robert."
"The artwork," says Robert.
"Very good. And you, Peter?"
"Her tits!" says Peter.
"Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall," responds the teacher with disgust. "And you, Johnny?"
"I'm leaving, teacher, I'm leaving..."
----------
"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.
"Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.
"No."
"I'm the principal's daughter."
"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy.
"No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!"
-------
"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."
"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"
-------
Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?
Joseph: Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?
Joseph: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go Slow!"
-------
A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers."
-------
The answer to the problem was "log(1+x)". A student copied the answer from the student next to him, but didn't want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to "timber(1+x)".
----
When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
----
A black hole - a tremendous creation
Its physics defies imagination
Time and space it can bend
Wow! I can't comprehend
The gravity of this situation
----------
Wanted
$10,000 reward.
Schroedinger's Cat.
Dead or Alive
-------
Why the Sky Is Blue
by John Ciardi
I don't suppose you happen to know
Why the sky is blue? It's because the snow
Takes out the white. That leaves it clean
For the trees and grass to take out the green.
Then pears and bananas start to mellow,
And bit by bit they take out the yellow.
The sunsets, of course, take out the red
And pour it into the ocean bed
Or behind the mountains in the west.
You take all that out and the rest
Couldn't be anything else but blue.
Look for yourself. You can see it's true.
----
Q: What did the Nuclear Physicist have for lunch?
A: Fission Chips.
-----
Formula: "Energy equals milk chocolate squared"
-------
Philosophers have long wondered why socks have this habit of getting lost, and why humans always end up with large collections of unmatched odd socks. One school of thought says that socks are very antisocial creatures, and have a deep sense of rivalry. In particular, two socks of the same design have feelings of loathing towards each other and hence it is nearly impossible to pair them (e.g. a blue sock will usually be found nestling up to a black one, rather than its fellow blue sock)
On the other hand, quantum theorists explain it all by a generalized exclusion principle - it is impossible for two socks to be in the same state, and when it is in danger of happening, one of the socks has to vanish. Indeed the Uncertainty Principle also comes in - the only time you know where a sock is, is when you are wearing it, and hence unable to be sure exactly how fast it is moving. The moment you stop moving and look at your sock, it then starts falling to pieces, changing color, or otherwise becoming indeterminate.
Either way, socks may possess Color and Strangeness, but they seem to lack Charm.
--------
Sam: "I don’t know."
Teacher: "Bark, Sam, bark."
Sam: "Bow, wow, wow!"
--
Teacher: Johnny, you know you can't sleep in my class.
Johnny: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.
-----
Teacher: Milton, how can you prove the earth is round?
Milton: I can't. Besides, I never said it was.
--------
The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None," answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"
---------
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
-----------
The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, "What do you like best about it, class? Let's start with you, Robert."
"The artwork," says Robert.
"Very good. And you, Peter?"
"Her tits!" says Peter.
"Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall," responds the teacher with disgust. "And you, Johnny?"
"I'm leaving, teacher, I'm leaving..."
----------
"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.
"Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.
"No."
"I'm the principal's daughter."
"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy.
"No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!"
-------
"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."
"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"
-------
Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?
Joseph: Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?
Joseph: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go Slow!"
-------
A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers."
-------
The answer to the problem was "log(1+x)". A student copied the answer from the student next to him, but didn't want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to "timber(1+x)".
----
When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
----
A black hole - a tremendous creation
Its physics defies imagination
Time and space it can bend
Wow! I can't comprehend
The gravity of this situation
----------
Wanted
$10,000 reward.
Schroedinger's Cat.
Dead or Alive
-------
Why the Sky Is Blue
by John Ciardi
I don't suppose you happen to know
Why the sky is blue? It's because the snow
Takes out the white. That leaves it clean
For the trees and grass to take out the green.
Then pears and bananas start to mellow,
And bit by bit they take out the yellow.
The sunsets, of course, take out the red
And pour it into the ocean bed
Or behind the mountains in the west.
You take all that out and the rest
Couldn't be anything else but blue.
Look for yourself. You can see it's true.
----
Q: What did the Nuclear Physicist have for lunch?
A: Fission Chips.
-----
Formula: "Energy equals milk chocolate squared"
-------
Philosophers have long wondered why socks have this habit of getting lost, and why humans always end up with large collections of unmatched odd socks. One school of thought says that socks are very antisocial creatures, and have a deep sense of rivalry. In particular, two socks of the same design have feelings of loathing towards each other and hence it is nearly impossible to pair them (e.g. a blue sock will usually be found nestling up to a black one, rather than its fellow blue sock)
On the other hand, quantum theorists explain it all by a generalized exclusion principle - it is impossible for two socks to be in the same state, and when it is in danger of happening, one of the socks has to vanish. Indeed the Uncertainty Principle also comes in - the only time you know where a sock is, is when you are wearing it, and hence unable to be sure exactly how fast it is moving. The moment you stop moving and look at your sock, it then starts falling to pieces, changing color, or otherwise becoming indeterminate.
Either way, socks may possess Color and Strangeness, but they seem to lack Charm.
--------
Teacher: "Sam, what is the outside of a tree called?"
Sam: "I don’t know."
Teacher: "Bark, Sam, bark."
Sam: "Bow, wow, wow!"
--
Teacher: Johnny, you know you can't sleep in my class.
Johnny: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.
-----
Teacher: Milton, how can you prove the earth is round?
Milton: I can't. Besides, I never said it was.
--------
The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None," answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"
---------
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
-----------
The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, "What do you like best about it, class? Let's start with you, Robert."
"The artwork," says Robert.
"Very good. And you, Peter?"
"Her tits!" says Peter.
"Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall," responds the teacher with disgust. "And you, Johnny?"
"I'm leaving, teacher, I'm leaving..."
----------
"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.
"Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.
"No."
"I'm the principal's daughter."
"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy.
"No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!"
-------
"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."
"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"
-------
Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?
Joseph: Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?
Joseph: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go Slow!"
-------
A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers."
-------
The answer to the problem was "log(1+x)". A student copied the answer from the student next to him, but didn't want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to "timber(1+x)".
----
When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
----
A black hole - a tremendous creation
Its physics defies imagination
Time and space it can bend
Wow! I can't comprehend
The gravity of this situation
----------
Wanted
$10,000 reward.
Schroedinger's Cat.
Dead or Alive
-------
Why the Sky Is Blue
by John Ciardi
I don't suppose you happen to know
Why the sky is blue? It's because the snow
Takes out the white. That leaves it clean
For the trees and grass to take out the green.
Then pears and bananas start to mellow,
And bit by bit they take out the yellow.
The sunsets, of course, take out the red
And pour it into the ocean bed
Or behind the mountains in the west.
You take all that out and the rest
Couldn't be anything else but blue.
Look for yourself. You can see it's true.
----
Q: What did the Nuclear Physicist have for lunch?
A: Fission Chips.
-----
Formula: "Energy equals milk chocolate squared"
-------
Philosophers have long wondered why socks have this habit of getting lost, and why humans always end up with large collections of unmatched odd socks. One school of thought says that socks are very antisocial creatures, and have a deep sense of rivalry. In particular, two socks of the same design have feelings of loathing towards each other and hence it is nearly impossible to pair them (e.g. a blue sock will usually be found nestling up to a black one, rather than its fellow blue sock)
On the other hand, quantum theorists explain it all by a generalized exclusion principle - it is impossible for two socks to be in the same state, and when it is in danger of happening, one of the socks has to vanish. Indeed the Uncertainty Principle also comes in - the only time you know where a sock is, is when you are wearing it, and hence unable to be sure exactly how fast it is moving. The moment you stop moving and look at your sock, it then starts falling to pieces, changing color, or otherwise becoming indeterminate.
Either way, socks may possess Color and Strangeness, but they seem to lack Charm.
--------
Sam: "I don’t know."
Teacher: "Bark, Sam, bark."
Sam: "Bow, wow, wow!"
--
Teacher: Johnny, you know you can't sleep in my class.
Johnny: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.
-----
Teacher: Milton, how can you prove the earth is round?
Milton: I can't. Besides, I never said it was.
--------
The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None," answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"
---------
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
-----------
The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, "What do you like best about it, class? Let's start with you, Robert."
"The artwork," says Robert.
"Very good. And you, Peter?"
"Her tits!" says Peter.
"Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall," responds the teacher with disgust. "And you, Johnny?"
"I'm leaving, teacher, I'm leaving..."
----------
"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.
"Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.
"No."
"I'm the principal's daughter."
"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy.
"No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!"
-------
"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."
"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"
-------
Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?
Joseph: Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?
Joseph: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go Slow!"
-------
A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers."
-------
The answer to the problem was "log(1+x)". A student copied the answer from the student next to him, but didn't want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to "timber(1+x)".
----
When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
----
A black hole - a tremendous creation
Its physics defies imagination
Time and space it can bend
Wow! I can't comprehend
The gravity of this situation
----------
Wanted
$10,000 reward.
Schroedinger's Cat.
Dead or Alive
-------
Why the Sky Is Blue
by John Ciardi
I don't suppose you happen to know
Why the sky is blue? It's because the snow
Takes out the white. That leaves it clean
For the trees and grass to take out the green.
Then pears and bananas start to mellow,
And bit by bit they take out the yellow.
The sunsets, of course, take out the red
And pour it into the ocean bed
Or behind the mountains in the west.
You take all that out and the rest
Couldn't be anything else but blue.
Look for yourself. You can see it's true.
----
Q: What did the Nuclear Physicist have for lunch?
A: Fission Chips.
-----
Formula: "Energy equals milk chocolate squared"
-------
Philosophers have long wondered why socks have this habit of getting lost, and why humans always end up with large collections of unmatched odd socks. One school of thought says that socks are very antisocial creatures, and have a deep sense of rivalry. In particular, two socks of the same design have feelings of loathing towards each other and hence it is nearly impossible to pair them (e.g. a blue sock will usually be found nestling up to a black one, rather than its fellow blue sock)
On the other hand, quantum theorists explain it all by a generalized exclusion principle - it is impossible for two socks to be in the same state, and when it is in danger of happening, one of the socks has to vanish. Indeed the Uncertainty Principle also comes in - the only time you know where a sock is, is when you are wearing it, and hence unable to be sure exactly how fast it is moving. The moment you stop moving and look at your sock, it then starts falling to pieces, changing color, or otherwise becoming indeterminate.
Either way, socks may possess Color and Strangeness, but they seem to lack Charm.
--------
Teacher: "Sam, what is the outside of a tree called?"
Sam: "I don’t know."
Teacher: "Bark, Sam, bark."
Sam: "Bow, wow, wow!"
--
Teacher: Johnny, you know you can't sleep in my class.
Johnny: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.
-----
Teacher: Milton, how can you prove the earth is round?
Milton: I can't. Besides, I never said it was.
--------
The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None," answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"
---------
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
-----------
The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, "What do you like best about it, class? Let's start with you, Robert."
"The artwork," says Robert.
"Very good. And you, Peter?"
"Her tits!" says Peter.
"Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall," responds the teacher with disgust. "And you, Johnny?"
"I'm leaving, teacher, I'm leaving..."
----------
"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.
"Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.
"No."
"I'm the principal's daughter."
"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy.
"No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!"
-------
"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."
"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"
-------
Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?
Joseph: Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?
Joseph: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go Slow!"
-------
A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers."
-------
The answer to the problem was "log(1+x)". A student copied the answer from the student next to him, but didn't want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to "timber(1+x)".
----
When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
----
Sam: "I don’t know."
Teacher: "Bark, Sam, bark."
Sam: "Bow, wow, wow!"
--
Teacher: Johnny, you know you can't sleep in my class.
Johnny: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.
-----
Teacher: Milton, how can you prove the earth is round?
Milton: I can't. Besides, I never said it was.
--------
The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None," answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"
---------
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
-----------
The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, "What do you like best about it, class? Let's start with you, Robert."
"The artwork," says Robert.
"Very good. And you, Peter?"
"Her tits!" says Peter.
"Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall," responds the teacher with disgust. "And you, Johnny?"
"I'm leaving, teacher, I'm leaving..."
----------
"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.
"Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.
"No."
"I'm the principal's daughter."
"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy.
"No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!"
-------
"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."
"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"
-------
Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?
Joseph: Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?
Joseph: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go Slow!"
-------
A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers."
-------
The answer to the problem was "log(1+x)". A student copied the answer from the student next to him, but didn't want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to "timber(1+x)".
----
When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
----
Thursday, August 05, 2004
Bihari hat-seller who was passing by a forest decided to take a nap
under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side.
A few hours later, he woke up and realized that all his hats were
gone.He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and
they had taken all his hats. The Bihari sits down and thinks of how he can
get the hats down. While thinking he started to scratch his head. The next
moment,the monkeys were doing the same. Next, he took down his own hat,
the monkeys did exactly the same. An idea came to him, he took his hat and
threw it on the floor and the monkeys did that too. So he finally managed
to get all his hats back.
Fifty years later, his grandson, Laloo, also became a hat-seller and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather. One day, just like his
grandfather, he passed by! t! he same forest. It was very hot, and he took
a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor. He woke up and
realized that all his hats were taken by the monkeys on the tree. He
remembered his grand father's words, started scratching his head and
the monkeys followed. He took down his hat and fanned himself and
again the monkeys followed. Now, very convinced of his grandfather's idea,Laloo
threw his hat on the floor but to his surprise, the monkeys still held on
to all the hats.
Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor,gave him a slap and said.......................
"You think only you have a grandfather? "
under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side.
A few hours later, he woke up and realized that all his hats were
gone.He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and
they had taken all his hats. The Bihari sits down and thinks of how he can
get the hats down. While thinking he started to scratch his head. The next
moment,the monkeys were doing the same. Next, he took down his own hat,
the monkeys did exactly the same. An idea came to him, he took his hat and
threw it on the floor and the monkeys did that too. So he finally managed
to get all his hats back.
Fifty years later, his grandson, Laloo, also became a hat-seller and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather. One day, just like his
grandfather, he passed by! t! he same forest. It was very hot, and he took
a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor. He woke up and
realized that all his hats were taken by the monkeys on the tree. He
remembered his grand father's words, started scratching his head and
the monkeys followed. He took down his hat and fanned himself and
again the monkeys followed. Now, very convinced of his grandfather's idea,Laloo
threw his hat on the floor but to his surprise, the monkeys still held on
to all the hats.
Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor,gave him a slap and said.......................
"You think only you have a grandfather? "
Q - A beggar meets another beggar.
A software engineer meets another software engineer.
Both of them ask the same question to each other.
What is the question ?
A : So, Which Platform are you Working on ....
A software engineer meets another software engineer.
Both of them ask the same question to each other.
What is the question ?
A : So, Which Platform are you Working on ....
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays,
exams, and classroom discussions.
You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to
getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.
When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with
atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy.
When planets do it we say they are orbiting.
Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction.
South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage.
Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change
back into a sun in the daytime.
A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth
because of so much population stomping around up there these days.
Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know
they're there.
Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so
sometimes it's brother against brother.
In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are
twice as many H's as O's.
I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it,
and that is the important thing.
Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around.
There is not much else to do.
Rain is saved up in cloud banks.
In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.
A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.
It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places.
The wind is like the air, only pushier.
Men are mammals and women are femammals.
The largest mammals are to be found in the sea because there is
nowhere else to put them.
The earth makes a resolution every 24 hours.
Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or both of them.
A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.
Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have east and west poles.
The word "trousers" is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top
and plural at the bottom.
Gravity is a law holding things up, but nowadays we use elastic.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
exams, and classroom discussions.
You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to
getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.
When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with
atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy.
When planets do it we say they are orbiting.
Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction.
South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage.
Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change
back into a sun in the daytime.
A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth
because of so much population stomping around up there these days.
Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know
they're there.
Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so
sometimes it's brother against brother.
In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are
twice as many H's as O's.
I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it,
and that is the important thing.
Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around.
There is not much else to do.
Rain is saved up in cloud banks.
In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.
A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.
It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places.
The wind is like the air, only pushier.
Men are mammals and women are femammals.
The largest mammals are to be found in the sea because there is
nowhere else to put them.
The earth makes a resolution every 24 hours.
Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or both of them.
A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.
Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have east and west poles.
The word "trousers" is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top
and plural at the bottom.
Gravity is a law holding things up, but nowadays we use elastic.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Here are some interesting interpretations of nature from test papers and
essays submitted to science teachers by school and college students around the world.
- When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.
- H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water
- Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin.
Hydrogin is gin and water.
- Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
- Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
- The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.
- Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them
perspire.
- Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
- The body consists of three parts--the brainium, the borax and the
abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains
the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of
which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u.
- The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
- The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends
towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature
abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
- A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
- Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
- Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
- Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.
- Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
- Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
- For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops.
- For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artifical perspiration.
- To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.
essays submitted to science teachers by school and college students around the world.
- When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.
- H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water
- Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin.
Hydrogin is gin and water.
- Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
- Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
- The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.
- Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them
perspire.
- Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
- The body consists of three parts--the brainium, the borax and the
abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains
the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of
which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u.
- The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
- The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends
towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature
abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
- A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
- Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
- Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
- Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.
- Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
- Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
- For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops.
- For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artifical perspiration.
- To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.
